And Deep Down, You Know She's Right
by carolinelaughs
Summary: This story is all about Steff, or Stefan, now a lawyer, and much older and wiser, and his relationship with a young woman named Elizabeth, his partner's daughter.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: In the movie, _Pretty in Pink_, we really are not told all that much about Steff, we know he's from a rich family, he wants to get back at his parents for something ("This one may just kill the old son of a bitch, Blane."), and of course, he does not take too kindly to rejection. We don't even know what his last name is. It could be Grey. We're not told, so for the purposes of this story, it is. (I know there was a novelization of _Pretty in Pink_, but this story is based on the movie and only the movie.) If you're a fan of James Spader (and really, who isn't?) you will quickly take note that many details of Steff (or Stefan, as he is called here) and his later life are derived from various other movies/TV shows he was in, chiefly, _Secretary_, but many others as well. Elizabeth, the protagonist, is an analog (or 'counterpart') of Maggie Gyllenhaal/Lee, in case you couldn't tell from reading the story (many of Elizabeth's character details are derived from movies Maggie Gyllenhaal was in as well), and Elizabeth and Stefan's relationship here is structured around their character's relationship in that film, with many differences, Elizabeth's hangup is not that she cuts herself, but that she cannot allow herself to get over her college boyfriend, Toby. **

**I hope everyone will enjoy reading this story, especially those who love Steff, and want to see a better resolution for him than the one he got in the actual film. **

* * *

Elizabeth had been driving her father to work and various places every day after his license had been suspended due to a DUI, one of several. Her father, Stephen, was a lawyer, dealing mostly with slip-and-fall type cases, work-related injuries, and the like. Stephen was a highly intelligent man, and had been a brilliant defense attorney years back, however, his troubles with alcohol had gotten him fired from the firm he worked at, and since then he worked in private practice. However, after two years of AA meetings, Stephen had managed to stay sober for some time now. Elizabeth was glad to have her father back, even though driving him to work could sometimes pose an inconvenience.

"So how was work today?" Stephen asked Elizabeth in the car one morning.

"Work was good." Elizabeth said.

"Still seeing Toby?" Stephen said, a disapproving note in his voice.

" 'Seeing'?" Elizabeth said. "Dad, I've been in a _relationship_ with him for seven years. You know that."

"A relationship?" Stephen said. "Elizabeth, you told me that Toby didn't _want_ a committed relationship. I thought you weren't even together with him anymore."

"We're still close. Toby doesn't like labels and commitments. Til death do you part type stuff. It reminds him that he's going to die one day."  
Stephen snorted and shook his head.

"Dad…" Elizabeth said.

"Are you still sleeping with him?"

"Dad!" Elizabeth said. "That's none of your business."  
"Let me guess. He still wants to sleep with you, but 'not label it a relationship'."  
"For your information, Toby and I haven't slept together for two years." said Elizabeth. "But we've stayed close."  
"Have you seen anyone else these past two years?" Stephen said.

"No, Dad." said Elizabeth.

"And why not?"  
"Because," Elizabeth said. "Toby and I are still together, even when we're not a romantic couple."  
"And does Toby know this?" said Stephen.

Elizabeth blinked in irritation, before answering. "Of course he does, Dad. Toby knows how I feel about him. And he understands. He just doesn't want what I want out of life. You make it sound like I was dangerously obsessed with him."  
"Princess, of course I didn't." Stephen said. "It's him I find in the wrong is all."  
"Dad, I don't know why you don't like Toby, anyway. He's a great guy."  
"Elizabeth, he may very well be a great guy, in some respects, but I don't approve of the way he treats you. He's obviously just using you."  
"Using me for what?" Elizabeth said. "And anyway, Toby's been great. He's been very understanding of our….situation. He says not to worry about what time I go to, or leave work, when I take you places." Elizabeth worked at a coffee and pastry shop, which Toby owned.  
Stephen looked down at his lap briefly. "Well, he should be understanding. You don't need to be working at that coffee shop for him. You have an English degree, for goodness sakes. You should be doing something else, something more meaningful."  
"Dad, please." Elizabeth said. "Please, just cool it, okay? Working at the coffee shop for Toby is what makes me happy. It _is _meaningful. Okay?"

Stephen sighed, shaking his head.

Elizabeth had met Toby in when she was in junior high school, where he was two years ahead of her, at an after school club that met to discuss the works of Stephen King, who was Elizabeth's favorite writer. Toby was a slender, handsome guy with dark hair, and dark eyes, who wore mostly black, and hung out with the nerds, despite being better looking than your average nerd. He had an easygoing, jokey personality. Toby was very into books and literature, as was Elizabeth, but she had never had the courage to tell him how she felt in high school, despite their friendship. After she graduated, Elizabeth had based her choice of the college that she was attending on the one where Toby was also attending, where she had finally made her move, telling Toby how she felt. They had dated throughout college, after which Toby had decided to open up his own coffee shop and bakery, and had invited her to come work for him, where she had been working for the past three years.

"I had another argument with my father about you yesterday." Elizabeth said in the kitchen of the bakery the next day.

"Oh, really?" said Toby. "What was it about?"  
"Oh, he thinks I shouldn't work for you. He doesn't approve of our relationship."  
"Well, it just so happens, I agree with your dad." Said Toby. "I mean, you need to stop feeling the way you do about me. I told you that. I'm just not into relationships."  
"That doesn't mean I can't like you, does it?" said Elizabeth. "Should my feelings about you go away, just because you don't want a relationship?"  
"What's so special about me, anyway?" said Toby. "Come on."  
"How can you say that?" Elizabeth said. "I mean, you're great looking, and a great guy, and easy to be around, and funny, and smart, and you like Stephen King as much as I do, and…"

"_Nobody_ likes Stephen King as much you do, Liz." Said Toby.

"Well, that may be true, Toby, but anyway. I've never met anyone I like as much as I like you. I've told you that." She bit her lip. "But it doesn't matter, anyway. If you want me, I mean."  
"Want you?" Toby said. "Oh, come on. Don't be so overly dramatic. That's silly…it's not that I don't 'want' you….I don't want anyone that way…as a lifetime relationship. I like being by myself. Not all the time, but when it counts. I like living alone."  
"I'm not asking to live with you, am I?" Elizabeth said.

"I know, I know." Toby said. "But you want more than I can give you. _You_ want those things, I know. I can tell. So I can't really…I can't keep….we just can't see each other. For anything non-platonic. Not…well, not in good conscience."  
"Okay." Elizabeth said. "Toby, it's enough for me…I know it sounds…maudlin, but it's enough for me to work here for you, and to be around you every day. That's…that's what I wanted to achieve, in my life, ever since I've met you. Is that creepy?"  
"No, not creepy." said Toby. "You can like to work here all you want, but you should…stop…you know. Having romantic feelings about me. Not for me, for yourself."  
"But Toby." Said Elizabeth. "That's the thing. I don't _want_ to not feel this way about you. Caring about you…makes me happy. Like when my dad was in the hospital because of his drinking. I'd think about you to feel better. And when my parents were fighting all the time, because of his drinking. Not just wanting you, but also…wanting you to be happy, no matter what. That's what made me feel better, and like…have more goodwill towards my dad. Not resent him for his problems. That's the way it's been, ever since we were in school together. Losing my feelings for you…would hurt more than you not wanting to be with me. I live to like you, Toby."

Toby swallowed. "I see." He looked down at his hands. "It's kind of…hard to know what to say to that."  
"You don't have to say anything to it, Toby." Elizabeth said. "That's just the way it is. But you don't have to worry about me. I'm not tortured or anything. I'm not trying to get you to do anything you don't want to, am I? I'm happy, doing what I'm doing."  
"I'm not sure you are." Toby said. "That's the thing."  
"I am." Elizabeth said.

"I mean, I love having you here, but…I just don't think these strong feelings for me are right. I worry about you, you shouldn't have your whole life dedicated to me or anything."  
"Toby, don't flatter yourself. I think about plenty of other things. I think about books, and writing, and philosophy, and…running this place, and helping my dad, and…"  
"Running this place." Toby said. "See, that's something that has to do with me. You should do what you want in life, not run around trying to please others. The same goes for your dad. You shouldn't be driving him to work every day, either."

"Again, Toby, helping you run this place _is_ what I want." Elizabeth said. "And my dad needs me."  
Toby sighed. "Okay." he said. "If this is really what you want in life."

"It is, Toby." Elizabeth said. "It is."

"I have a meeting with this lawyer, who's looking for a partner." Her father said one morning a few weeks later. "Can you come and pick me up around three?"  
"Sure." Elizabeth said.

Stephen looked at her. "How's Toby?" he said.

"He's great." Elizabeth replied archly.

Stephen sighed, and shook his head, looking out the window.

"Well, this other lawyer I told you about, Mr. Grey, seems confident in my abilities. We have another meeting today at one."

"Mr. Grey?" said Elizabeth. "Like the evil alien from _Dreamcatcher_?"  
Stephen laughed. "Could be. He seems relatively harmless, though. Very reserved, almost…humorless."  
"Sounds like a blast." Elizabeth said.

"Yeah, but he seems like a pretty smart man. While I was waiting for my appointment the other day, his secretary, Tricia, said that he almost never loses his cases."  
"Well, that's great, Dad. Neither do you though."  
"Yeah, before the booze got the better of me." Said Stephen.

Elizabeth sighed, and patted his hand. "Well, it hasn't now." She said.

"Well," Elizabeth said later that day, in the parking lot of the lawyer's office. "I'll wait for you out here."  
"Okay." Stephen put his hand on the door handle, then turned to look at her. "You know, Liz," he said. "Our meeting might go awhile. Maybe you should wait for me inside, instead of in the car."  
"I'm fine out here, Dad. Don't worry." said Elizabeth.

"I don't know, Liz." said Stephen. "I've heard that this is a dangerous area. Maybe you should wait inside. You don't want to get carjacked, do you?"  
"I haven't heard that this is a particularly dangerous area." Said Elizabeth.

"Well, there's not really any such thing as a safe area anymore, Elizabeth. You don't want to take chances."  
"Dad, I'll be okay. Really." Elizabeth said.

"Elizabeth, I'd really feel better about things if you'd wait for me inside. Please, just do it for me."  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Fine. If it'll make you happy, I'll wait inside, okay?"  
Stephen smiled at her. "Thanks, honey." He said.

Elizabeth got out of the car, rolling her eyes.

Inside, there was a small waiting area, where Elizabeth, her father waited. There seemed to be a lot of Asian themed décor around the office After about twenty minutes, a blond woman approached the two of them.

"Mr. Dawes, Mr. Grey will see you now." the blond woman said.

"All right. Thank you." Stephen said. He got up, and disappeared down the corridor. The blond woman took a seat at a desk, and began inserting a piece of paper into a typewriter.

"Typewriters." Elizabeth said. "Haven't seen one of those for a while."  
The blond woman smiled a tight-lipped smile at her. "Mr. Grey prefers we use typewriters here."  
"I see." Elizabeth said. "Is he aware that it's like…2002?"  
"Probably not." The blond said.

"Oh." Said Elizabeth. The blond woman resumed typing.

"Why does he prefer them?" Elizabeth asked, after a few moments.

"Oh, he thinks computers with spell-check facilitate laziness. He prefers that secretaries earn their keep. Keeps them smarter and more skilled."  
"I see." Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes. "He sounds like a peach to work for."  
The blond pursed her lips, and kept typing. Elizabeth sighed, and looked at her watch.

After about thirty minutes, Stephen emerged from the corridor with a man with dark blond hair.

"Well, Mr. Grey, I assure you that you won't regret this decision." Stephen was saying to the blond man.

"No, I'm sure I won't, Mr. Dawes." Mr. Grey said.

"Stephen, please. As I said." Stephen said. "And as I said, Mr. Grey, I'm very glad that we're going to be working together."

"I'm glad as well…uh, Stephen." Said Mr. Grey, though it appeared to Elizabeth that his tone of voice never conveyed any emotion, much less being glad of anything.

"Indeed." Stephen said. "Well, I should probably be going, but I suppose we'll be seeing each other again very soon."  
"Right." Said Mr. Grey. "Well, I suppose I'll see you then."

"Yes." Stephen said. He turned to go. "Oh, Mr. Grey." He said. "I forgot. I wanted you to meet my daughter, Elizabeth. She was concerned about waiting in the car."

Mr. Grey looked startled. "Uh. Well-

Elizabeth stood up, and walked over to him. "Hello there, Mr. Grey." She said. "My father tells me you're uh…an excellent attorney." She held out her hand.  
Mr. Grey sneezed suddenly. Elizabeth bit her lip.

"Allergies." He said.

"Oh." Said Elizabeth. "Okay."

"Often happens when I'm around perfume." Said Mr. Grey. "That's why I have a policy against it for my employees."  
Elizabeth restrained the urge to say something sarcastic, not wanting to sabotage her father's livelihood.

"Well," she said. "I'm sure that you and my father will work well together. He tells me that you're an excellent attorney. As is he, of course."  
"Yes." Said Mr. Grey.

"I won't usually be…in here like this. Dad never…got his license. He always saw those videos of people injured in car accidents they show in drivers ed in high school, and was just too chicken." She smiled at him.

"Really." Said Mr. Grey. "That is odd, because he told me you take him to work every day because of a suspended license, right Stephen?"  
Stephen smiled. "Right. I'm touched, sweetheart, at your protectiveness, but I already told Mr. Grey I'm a recovering alcoholic. It's not something I go to great lengths to hide."

"Oh." Said Elizabeth.

"Problems with alcoholism aren't unheard of with attorneys, and anyway, as your father indicated, he's had two years sober. I believe that people deserve second chances, don't you, Ms. Dawes?"  
"Uh…well, of course. Of course I do." Said Elizabeth.

"But your penchant for creative lying indicates that you would make an excellent attorney." Said Mr. Grey.

Stephen laughed. "I'm afraid Elizabeth here was never very interested in the law. She's all about books, and literature, and writing. She has an English degree, right Liz?"  
"Uh..yeah, Dad." Said Elizabeth.

"Ah." Said Mr. Grey. There was an awkward silence.

"Well, it was lovely to meet you, Mr. Grey, but I think we should be going. I have to get back to work. My boss is a real stickler for-

"Actually, your father indicated to me that your boss was a good friend of yours, and your hours are flexible. You know, I always say that the two lowest forms of human beings are liars, and lawyers. Perhaps you should look into the latter, at least that one would pay more."  
Elizabeth opened her mouth, but closed it again.

"Well," she said finally. "You certainly did tell a lot, didn't you, Dad?"

"Not a lot, no." He looked at Mr. Grey. "I'm sure that Mr. Grey is just joking."  
"Well, lying outside a professional capacity is certainly not indicative of good character, Ms. Dawes."  
Elizabeth sighed. "Yeah, okay. Thank you for that lovely piece of advice, Mr. Grey. I'll take it into consideration. However, I must get back to work now, because while the hours might be flexible, running the bakery is important to me, and I like to do a professional job of it. I'm sure that you can appreciate that."

"Of course." Said Mr. Grey.

"Well, that was wonderfully…awkward." Elizabeth said to her father in the car a few moments later.

Stephen cleared his throat. "Well, Mr. Grey certainly seems a bit…awkward at first, but he's a very intelligent man, Elizabeth."  
"That's great, Dad. But intelligent doesn't mean he's not an asshole, does it?"  
"Oh, I don't think he's quite that, Elizabeth…just a bit of a stickler."  
"He certainly seems as though he has a stick somewhere." Elizabeth muttered.

Her father was quiet. "Well, that may be, Elizabeth, but you know, not everyone would hire me, with my record."  
Elizabeth sighed. "Okay, Dad." She said. She looked at him. "I want you to know, I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, sweetie." Said Stephen.

There was a silence.

"Don't think I don't know what you were doing, though." Elizabeth said.

"What was I doing?" Stephen said.

"I see you're an accomplished liar. Second lowest form of human being…or is it the first?"  
"Both, actually." Her father said. "But I just thought you'd like to meet Mr. Grey. I was telling him what a help you are to me, and how hard you work, helping me out with my sobriety, and he seemed to be very impressed with my description of you."  
Elizabeth looked at him, horrified. "Wait he _asked _to meet me?"  
"Don't be absurd." Stephen said. "Did he seem like the sort that would ask to meet you…or ask to meet anyone, for that matter? It's pretty clear he's an extremely reserved man."  
"Except when he was calling me a liar. He seemed to get really into doing that."  
"Yes, well." said Stephen. "He does seem pretty officious."  
Elizabeth snorted. "What on earth ever made you think that I'd want to meet him?"  
"Oh, I don't know." said Stephen. "He's not so bad, once you've talked with him for awhile, and anyway, he's successful, intelligent…and he doesn't wear a ring."  
Elizabeth looked at her father. "Dad, you can't be serious."  
Stephen shrugged. "I'm just saying. It wouldn't kill you to think of other men besides what's-his-name."  
"Dad…" Elizabeth shook her head. "Dad, I knew exactly what you were doing, the moment you introduced me to that…droning creep, but to hear you say it out like that…"  
"Oh, come off it." Stephen said. "I'm only saying. Since it's obvious that Toby doesn't want a relationship, you should at least consider other candidates. To be interested in, at the very least."

"Well, it won't be that one." Elizabeth said.


	2. Chapter 2

"You'll never believe what my father did to me today." Elizabeth said to Toby later that afternoon.

"Uh oh. What did he do?" Toby said.

"You know those old stories, where parents would marry their children off to rich older men, just to save their family's name?"  
"Yeah." Toby said.

"Well, I think that's what my father's trying to do. He tried to introduce me to that lawyer, the one I mentioned wanted to hire him. He got the job, by the way."  
"Oh, that's great." Toby said.

"Yeah, it is great. I'm really happy for him." Elizabeth said. "Too bad he's going to be working with such a creep."  
"The lawyer?"

"Yeah, Mr. Grey."  
"Like in _Dreamcatcher_?"

"Exactly like in _Dreamcatcher_. Down to the slime."

"He hit on you?" Toby said.

"No, you'd have to have a pulse to do that. He called me a liar."  
"A liar?" Toby said. "Why?"  
"Oh, I told him that my boss hates me to be late, and I guess my father had told him how I work for someone who doesn't care when I leave to take him places."  
"Why'd you say that I hate for you to be late?"  
"Because I wanted to leave, and get away from there. He'd already said several other things that annoyed me."  
"Like what?"  
"Oh, he insinuated that my perfume made him sneeze, and…well, he caught me in another lie."  
Toby laughed. "_Another_ one?"  
"Yeah, I just figured it looked a little bad, for my dad, to have to be dropped places by me, and I didn't know that my dad had told him about his alcoholism. So he caught me. But it's my dad's fault, I wouldn't have had to say anything to him at _all_, if he hadn't been trying to introduce me to him to play matchmaker."

Toby was silent. "Well," he said. "That was different. You were just lying to protect your father. I wouldn't worry about it."

"I just feel irritated." said Elizabeth. "With Dad, but…much more so with the slimy alien lawyer. And he sounds like he could be an alien. He's got a voice like someone who smoked a thousand cigarettes, and is drowsy from the lung cancer medication."  
Toby laughed. "He was really old?"  
"At least forty."  
"Well, that's not so old." Toby said.

"Toby!"

"Well, it's not."  
"It's old compared to me." Said Elizabeth. "I'm still in my twenties, for goodness sakes. I don't know what's wrong with my father, thinking I should meet someone like him."  
"Sounds like you're having a bit of an overreaction. He probably just wants you to meet more people. I'm sure he feels bad that you have to drive him everywhere."

Elizabeth sighed, shaking her head. "I'm really not looking forward to driving him to work, and chancing running into Mr. Grey again."  
"Yeah." Toby said. "Where's Duddits when you need him."

A month or so passed, and Elizabeth dropped her father off at work every day, taking care to stop the car as far away from the place as possible when she did.

"You know, I'm nearly fifty-six years old." Stephen said one day when she came to pick him up.

"So?"

"So when we come here, you always park the car about a block down the street. I'm in no condition to hoof it that far to and from work every day."  
"Exercise is good." Said Elizabeth. "Besides, it's not really all _that_ far. You're exaggerating."

"I'm sure I know why you're doing it." Said Stephen.

"Why's that? To avoid your charming partner?"  
"He's really a very personable guy once you get to know him, Elizabeth. You really shouldn't be so hasty to judge him by a first impression."  
Elizabeth laughed incredulously, shaking her head.

"All right, fine, think what you want about him, but park the car a little closer to the building next time, please. You don't want to kill you poor father, do you?"  
Elizabeth shook her head. "All right, Dad." She said.

The next time, Elizabeth drove the car into the parking lot of the building of their practice, and was dismayed to see Mr. Grey standing near the door.

"Darn it, Dad. You know, some fifty-year old guys jog for miles every day."  
Stephen patted her hand. "Now, now. Stefan is a very nice man."

Elizabeth looked at him. "_Stefan_?"  
"Well, he says he doesn't like his name, so he prefers that everybody around the office call him Mr. Grey."  
"Well, that makes two of us, Dad…but does he call you Mr. Dawes? It's only fair, you're his partner, you should be treated equally, not like some…subordinate."  
"No one's treating me like a subordinate, Elizabeth. Everyone calls him that. Lawyers, clients, delivery people…everyone."

"Well, goody goody." Said Elizabeth. "Oh lord. He's looking at me."

"Well, maybe you should sue him." Said Stephen. He waved at Mr. Grey. Mr. Grey smiled and waved back. Elizabeth did not wave.

"Very funny. Get out before he comes over here."

"I never thought I'd raise a child with such bad manners." Stephen said. "I'd wave, if I were you, or he's going to think you like him."  
"What?" Elizabeth said incredulously.

"I know about these things, Liz. Hostility is often a sign of attraction between opposite sexes."

Elizabeth stared at him for a split second. "Out of my car. I can't believe I've been raised by a father who'd say such a disgusting thing. Out. Now."  
Stephen shook his head, smiling, and got out of the car.

That afternoon, Elizabeth drove into the parking lot again, to pick up her father. Ten minutes passed, and he still didn't arrive. Elizabeth looked at the clock on the car dashboard and sighed. She was in the middle of doing this, when there was a rap on the window. She looked at the window, and was dismayed to see Mr. Grey standing there. She sighed, and rolled downed the window.

"Yes?" she said.

"Elizabeth." said Mr. Grey. "How are you today?"  
"Just great." said Elizabeth. Then she remembered her father's words. "Uh, I mean…I'm doing very well. Yourself?"  
"I'm just fine." Said Mr. Grey. "Your father said to tell you he'd be staying a bit late, doing some research. Would you uh…like to come in and wait for him?"  
"Oh," said Elizabeth in an overly sweet tone. "That's very kind of you, Mr. Grey, but no thanks. I think I'll be just fine out here in the car."  
"Ah. I see." Said Mr. Grey. "Well. How's the bakery?"  
"We're doing very well, Mr. Grey." Said Elizabeth, a sickly smile plastered on her face.

"Your father tells me that you write. Do any writing lately?"  
"When I can." Said Elizabeth.

"Well, that's good." said Mr. Grey. "It's…good to be creative."

"Yes." Said Elizabeth. She stole a glance at the clock.

"Always good to keep yourself aware of the time, isn't it?" said Mr. Grey.

"Uh huh." Said Elizabeth irritably, then caught herself. "Oh, I was just…worried about my father."  
"I'm sure he's fine. Probably working, the same as I said…oh…forty seconds ago."  
"Yes," said Elizabeth. "Well. Lawyers should keep busy. I'm sure you must have a lot of work as well. I wouldn't want to keep you."  
Mr. Grey laughed. "No, I'm done for the day."  
"Are you?" said Elizabeth.

"Yes." Said Mr. Grey. He looked at her, smiling, but Elizabeth had a feeling that there was a lot of calculation behind that smile.

"Mr. Grey," said Elizabeth.

"Yes, Elizabeth?"  
"You know, I think I'll go take a drive up the street, while I'm waiting for my father to finish working. I've…always wanted to see what was there."

"Really." Said Mr. Grey. "Still the second lowest form of life on earth, I see."  
"Yes, well." Said Elizabeth. "That still makes you the first, then, doesn't it, Mr. Grey?"

"Indeed." Said Mr. Grey. "But you know, Elizabeth, I've found that there's a difference between lying or bending the truth, on occasion when it's necessary to help someone, in the course of business, and lying in one's personal dealings, and the latter, I never engage in."  
"Never?" said Elizabeth.

"Never." Said Mr. Grey.

"I doubt that." Said Elizabeth. "Everybody lies sometimes."  
"I don't."

"Well, you know, Mr. Grey." Said Elizabeth. "There's also a difference between lying, and making a statement that both parties know is false. In this case, what I said was not really a lie, since it should be obvious to you that I really had no curiosity what was down the block, and simply wanted to leave."

"Really." said Mr. Grey. "Is that how you rationalize it?"  
"Yes." Said Elizabeth. "It is."

"Well, you have it all worked out, then, don't you?"  
"I do." She looked at the clock again. "You know," she said. "I just remembered that my father and I have a thing called cell phones, a modern invention, much like computers are a modern invention, and he can call me when he's ready to go. I think I'll be going now."  
"Going up the block?"

"Anywhere but here." Said Elizabeth. "Is that truthful enough for you?"  
"You know, I can't possibly see what I did to make you dislike me so much, Elizabeth." Said Mr. Grey. "Can you?"  
"Well, you called me a liar, for one."  
"Well, you told a lie. Didn't you?"  
"So, maybe you just should have kept your mouth shut about it. That's what people do."  
"Is it? Well, it's not what I do. I'm trying to help you, Elizabeth."  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Will you please get off of my car?"  
"You know, I find women saying that to me often. What is it about me?"

"I can't imagine." Said Elizabeth.

Mr. Grey laughed. Elizabeth shook her head.

"What do you want, Mr. Grey?" said Elizabeth.

"Nothing at all, Elizabeth. Just to talk to you."

"Well, that's touching. But what do you think my father would say about it?"  
"_Your_ father?" said Mr. Grey. "Why, I think he'd be delighted. He seems to think you're too hung up on your college boyfriend, the one you work for."  
"Wow." Said Elizabeth. "You two talk around the water cooler, or something."  
"Something like that. I maintain an excellent relationship with everyone around the office. I always tell them, they should feel free to confide in me."

"That's swell, but…not only do have so little tact as to betray the fact that my father confided this in you, but you're just admitting you're out here, hitting on me?"  
" 'Hitting on?'" said Mr. Grey. "I'd hardly call it hitting on you, Elizabeth. And your father hardly wants to keep it a secret that he doesn't approve of your little arrangement with this guy, what's his name, Tommy or something?"  
"Uh…_Toby_, and our 'arrangement', not that it's remotely any of your business, is simply that I work for him."  
"Really." Said Mr. Grey.

"Really." Said Elizabeth. "But I do appreciate your uh…_concern_, Mr. Grey. On behalf of your partner's daughter. Magnanimous of you. You're just a real saint. I'm sure that's exactly what's going on, and there's nothing untoward about it, whatsoever."  
"I wouldn't say that. I don't know about 'untoward', but I like you a lot. I'll admit that."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Mr. Grey-

"You're a lovely young woman. Naturally, I find you to be very attractive. Is there something wrong with that?"  
"Mr. Grey…" Elizabeth bit her lip. "I'm sorry, but I can't…return that."  
"Why not? Or at least think about it?"

"Because…I have feelings for someone else."  
"Someone else besides Toby?"  
Elizabeth snorted incredulously. "You are really outrageous, you know that?"  
"Oh, I don't think I'm being outrageous, Elizabeth. I'm simply telling you the truth."  
"Well, you don't know enough about me, or my life to know the truth about it, so no, you're not, but even I didn't still have feelings for Toby, that doesn't mean I should date someone just because my father wants me to."  
"Elizabeth, Elizabeth. Is that what all this is about? Dating this Toby because your father doesn't want you to? You're smarter than that, I know."  
"That's not what it's about at all, _Stefan_. And you don't know me, so you have no way of knowing the measure of my intellect."  
For the first time during their conversation, Mr. Grey looked rattled. "Don't call me that."  
"Why not? It's your name, isn't it?"

"You don't know me, either, so you have no permission to call me that." Said Mr. Grey. "And no one ever calls me Stefan, anyway."  
"Oh? So if I dated you, I'd have to just call you Mr. Grey all the time?"  
"Are you saying that you want to date me?"  
"No! For Pete's sake." Said Elizabeth.

"I think you are.  
"I think I'm not."  
"Because if you go out on just one date with me, I might let you call me Stefan."  
"As romantic an offer, as that is, that I'd get to actually call you by your first name, I'm going to have to pass on that one."  
"It is a good offer. No one ever calls me that. Anymore." Said Mr. Grey.

"It's not really on my top ten list of things to do." Said Elizabeth. "But thanks."  
"I think you want to." Said Mr. Grey.

"No, Mr. Grey." Said Elizabeth. "No bounce, no play."  
"Lovely poem." Said Mr. Grey. "Lovely."  
"Thank you." Said Elizabeth. "It's a line from a Stephen King book. _Dreamcatcher_."  
"Very interesting." Said Mr. Grey.

"You ever read Stephen King?" said Elizabeth.

"Not very much, no." said Mr. Grey. "I don't get a lot of reading done, what with work and all."  
"There you go. See, we have nothing in common."  
Mr. Grey laughed. "You can tell that just from that one thing, huh?"  
"Are you working right now?" said Elizabeth. "Right at this present moment?"  
"Do I appear to be?"  
"Well, there you go." Said Elizabeth. "You're wasting your time, standing here talking to me, when you could be reading."  
Mr. Grey laughed. "Well, Elizabeth, what if I said I'd rather be standing here talking to you?"  
"Mr. Grey," Elizabeth said. "Go away."

"Another poem. Stephen King again?"  
"Could be."

"Well, what is it with you and him?"

"I don't know. I just like his books a lot. And he has the same name as my father, and he's also a recovering alcoholic, like my dad, and he was born the same year, so there could be some kind of transference thing. I mean, it's just a coincidence, but I've always thought that it was weird. But mostly, it's just because I think that his books are really great."  
"Interesting." Said Mr. Grey.

"Yep."  
"But as long as you like things that remind you of your father, I'm also a lawyer, and my first name is similar to your dad's, and uh, Mr. King's."  
"Wow, you're really reaching now, aren't you." Said Elizabeth. "And you also could actually _be_ my father, so there's that."  
"Oh, I could not." Said Mr. Grey.

"You could."

"I'm only seventeen years older than you. That's hardly old enough to be a father."  
"It's very much old enough to be a father."  
"Not a very mature father."  
Elizabeth burst out laughing. "Mr. Grey…"  
"You know, Elizabeth, I think you may be warming up to me." Said Mr. Grey.

"Hardly." Said Elizabeth.

"I'm positive that you are."  
"It'll never be in the way that you want me to."  
"What I want is to know you."

"I bet." Said Elizabeth.  
"You know, you have an odd thing you do with your tongue. You're always…flailing it about in your mouth, and sticking it out the side when you're…amused." He gave her a sidelong glance.

"Getting weird now." Said Elizabeth. "Please don't use the word 'tongue' in my presence."

"Why, does it make you uncomfortable?"

Elizabeth started laughing. "_Yes_." She said.

"I see." Said Mr. Grey. "I think that's indicative of something, don't you? If it makes you so uncomfortable."  
Elizabeth snorted. "Yeah, disgust."

"Hardly." Said Mr. Grey.

"Mr. Grey, I think you may be delusional. I mean, I know that you probably think every woman wants you, but-

"I do?" said Mr. Grey.

"Yeah, I think you do."  
"Why, do you see something about me to indicate that women must want me?" said Mr. Grey. "Obviously you must."  
"It's just a feeling I have." Said Elizabeth.

"A feeling you have." Said Mr. Grey.

"Yeah. Not a feeling for you, though. Just an instinct. That's that's what you think. But even if it was true, _this _one does not. And wont."  
"It simply isn't normal, Elizabeth."  
"Not to want you?"  
"To be so hung up on one person for so long. It just isn't."  
"That's _not _the only reason, and you're way out of line saying that, anyway. I simply…don't feel that way about you. You may not be as hideous a person as I thought at first, but that's all there is to it."  
"You thought I was a hideous person?" said Mr. Grey. "Why? Because I wouldn't let you lie, and pretend that I believe it?"  
Elizabeth sighed. "Look, it's not your fault, okay? My father…spends an extraordinary amount of time interfering in my personal life, and I guess I might have resented you for it."  
"I see." Said Mr. Grey.

Just then, Stephen approached the car.

"Mr. Grey." He said. "You two have a nice talk?"  
"Why, yes, we did, Stephen. I think we accomplished a lot."  
"Oh, really?" said Stephen. "What did you accomplish?"  
"Well, I think I've managed to get out of her that she's very fearful of allowing herself to feel any kind of feelings for any other man besides, what's his name, uh…"  
"Toby." Said Stephen.

"Right, Toby. In fact, I'm amazed that she'll even _speak_ to another man."  
"I could have told you that." Stephen said.

"Yes. And today, she did." Mr. Grey said. "So that's what we've accomplished."  
"Listen, Stefan, I only talked to you because you actively forced me to by putting your hands inside the windows of my car, and I thought if I rolled them up and cut your fingers off, it might be overkill."  
"Oh, you are a little psycho, aren't you?" said Mr. Grey. "I can clearly see you want very much to call me Stefan, however."  
"It is your fucking name, isn't it?"  
"All right." Stephen said. "That's enough. I've been working a long day, and I'm very tired. Mr. Grey, I think we'll both be going now." He got in the car.

"All right, Stephen." Mr. Grey said, looking at her with amusement. Elizabeth shook her head in outrage.

"Mr. Grey has a way of…getting under people's skin, doesn't he?" said Stephen as they were pulling away from the parking lot. "Opposing counsel always looks quite dazed they deal with him."

Elizabeth shook her head. "Dad, I don't know what's wrong with you."  
"What do you mean?"  
"You told personal things about me to…_that_ person. Why would you ever do that?"  
"I didn't tell him anything that personal, Elizabeth. Only that I wish you'd think of other people besides Toby. You think it's so unusual for people to talk about their children at work?"  
"Their _grown_ children without their authorization, to a person who has obvious…creepy intentions towards them?"  
"Oh, I doubt it's really all that 'creepy', Elizabeth. As I said, Mr. Grey isn't a bad man. Frquently, he expresses concern for your welfare."  
"Oh, so he's been asking about me?" Elizabeth said.

"He wants to know how your life is going. He also thinks you're too smart to work in a bakery."  
"You know, I probably wouldn't leave my own father out on the street, but don't push it."  
"Now, see, that seems like an unreasonably hostile attitude towards us both. Have you ever considered that he might be right about your attitude towards other men besides Toby?"  
"Oh, yeah. Of course. He wants me to get over Toby because he's 'expressing concern over my welfare', is that how you put it? It's not like he wouldn't have a stake in it. How could you be so naïve, Dad?"  
Stephen shrugged. "So he's interested in you. So what? He's not married. You're not married."  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Dad…"  
"Look, Elizabeth." Said Stephen. "We all know…all of us, around the office, that Mr. Grey likes to intimidate and get inside the heads of people that oppose him. He's a lawyer. And he happens to be exceptionally good at it. So I wouldn't take it personally."  
Elizabeth shook her head. "He's not inside my head." She said.

Stephen looked at her. "You sure?"

"Yeah, Dad, I'm sure." She shook her head. "He's just a middle-aged man hitting on a twenty-five year old using some stupid head games he uses a cheap trick in court. It's pathetic, really."

"I don't know." Stephen said. "Sounds like a _hostile_ statement to me."  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Quiet, Dad."


	3. Chapter 3

"So remember when you asked if the creepy lawyer was hitting on me, and I told you no?" Elizabeth asked Toby at the bakery the following Monday.

"Yeah." Toby said.

"Well, now the status quo has changed, and in fact, yes, he is hitting on me. There is no room for doubt about that."  
"Well, do you like him?"  
"Toby!"  
"Why not?" Toby said. "Just a question. I'd hope there's not…someone else getting in the way of your having an attraction to anyone else."  
"Yeah, you." Elizabeth said. "What about it?"  
"Elizabeth, we've talked about this." Said Toby. "I can't give you what you want. I'd be very happy if you were interested in someone else besides me. We talked about it, and you said you would try to be. There is nothing special about me."  
"There is to me."  
"Elizabeth-

"And it doesn't matter if you were the least exceptional person in the universe. Sometimes, when you have an attraction to someone, it's just..chemical. Who a person is attracted to doesn't come down to the details about them."  
Toby shook his head. "No." he said.

"Why not?"  
"Because, Elizabeth. I don't feel that way about you."  
"But you would. If your parents marriage hadn't ended, and if you weren't so worried about death, and…if there was someone you felt that way about, it would be me, right?"  
"Elizabeth…." Toby shook his head. "I can't answer that."  
"Why not? It's true. If there were such a thing as someone you were crazy in love with, and felt that way about, and wanted to be with for the rest of your life, it would be me, right. But you don't, so…"  
"Well, maybe it wouldn't, Elizabeth." Said Toby. "Have you ever thought of that?"  
"Why?" Elizabeth said. "Why not, Toby?"  
"Because I'm just not in love with you." Toby said. "Not…not that way. I mean, in college, I was attracted to you. You're a great girl, and you were so…devoted to me. For some reason. No one had ever been devoted to me in that way before. And we had a great thing."  
"Had?" Elizabeth said.

"Yeah. But it passed. We outgrew each other…or I thought we did. I thought we could be great friends afterwards. I thought all the…poison had gone out of our relationship."  
"The poison?" Elizabeth said.

"Yeah," Toby said. "You know. All the bitterness, and the hostility, and the…fear, and neuroses that come when two people are intimate with each other. I thought we'd gotten to a place where we could be real with each other."  
"That's what you think a relationship is?" Elizabeth said. "Full of poison?"  
"When you're really attracted to each other it is." Toby said. "My parents were crazy in love, at one point. And then they spent their whole life fighting, after the passion wore off. Actually, they spent most of their passionate days miserable, too. So. That's what a relationship is all about. Poison, and then…malaise, after you lose your attraction to each other. And then death."  
Elizabeth sniffled, and shook her head. "You are really screwed up, Toby." She said, sniffling.

"Yeah, well. Maybe. Maybe not, too. Maybe that's really the way it is."

"Yeah, well, anyway. I knew all of that already." Said Elizabeth. "How you feel about relationships."  
"Well, what I'm trying say is…" He sighed. "Elizabeth, the fact is, that…maybe I'll find someone to be…in the poisonous stage with…but that person is not you."  
"Why not?" said Elizabeth.

"Because…it's like you said a minute ago. It's just a chemical thing. Sometimes, you're just not in love with a person, and I…I…" He looked away. "I never was in love with you."

Elizabeth sniffled. "Well, I was. With you." She said. "Like no one else."  
"Yeah. I know, Liz, but…" He sighed. "Maybe you can work on…not being. Maybe you can work on…there actually being someone else."

"I don't know, Toby."

"Come on," Toby said. "We've talked about this. And you said that you would try."

Elizabeth sniffled. "I guess, I could try. For you."  
"For you." Toby said firmly.

"Right. That, too." Elizabeth said, sniffling.

"Do you like this guy?" Toby said.

Elizabeth looked at him like he was crazy. "What? The lawyer? Mr. Grey?"  
"Yeah." Toby said.

"Stefan?" Elizabeth said.

"Yeah, yeah. The lawyer. Mr. Grey. Stefan." Toby said, rolling his eyes. "Clearly, I see that you must."  
"I don't see how you see that at all." Elizabeth said. "And no, of course, I don't. That's disgusting."  
"Well, what's so disgusting about him?"  
Elizabeth shrugged. "I can't stand him."  
"Well, is he good looking?"  
"Not to me." Said Elizabeth.

"But he might be to someone? In your opinion?"  
"I didn't say that."  
"You implied, it though."  
"Toby, I did not!" said Elizabeth indignantly. "And besides, he's a loathsome creep."  
"Why? What did he do?"  
"He just is. Half the time, he sounds like a comatose, walking dead, socially awkward, droning zombie." Elizabeth said. "And then the other half of the time, he's a smug, insinuating, self-righteous, sarcastic comatose, droning zombie." Elizabeth said.

"Wow. That was certainly a lot of adjectives." Toby said.

"Wasn't it?"  
"For someone you say that you have no interest in at all."

"Shut up, Toby." Said Elizabeth. "Now you sound like my father."

"Well, maybe he's right."  
"Right about what? That I should be interested in someone who claims he's concerned about my welfare when it's obvious he's just interested in one thing."  
"How do you know it's not more?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't care if it is. I don't want him near me."  
"Why? What are you afraid he's going to do?"  
"I think he wants to get inside my head." Said Elizabeth.

"Well, maybe he already is." said Toby. "Besides, isn't that what attraction is all about? Getting inside someone's head?"  
Elizabeth shook her head.

"You should think about it." Toby said.

Several days passed, and Elizabeth picked her father, and dropped him off at work without incident. However, one day, Amy, who worked as a baker at the shop, approached her as she walked behind the counter.

"Hey, Liz, some guy came in here looking for you Saturday. I told him you weren't here most weekends."

"Some guy?" Elizabeth said. "Damn it."  
"You know him?"  
"I have a feeling I might. What did he look like?  
Amy shrugged. "Hard to say."  
"Blonde hair?" Elizabeth said.

"Yeah, I believe so."

"Kind of dark blond?" said Elizabeth. "Fortyish?"  
"Yeah. Maybe around forty."  
"Droning voice?" said Elizabeth. "Kind of awkward? Sneezes?"  
"Sneezes, yeah. Definitely."  
Elizabeth shook her head.

"Friend of yours?"  
"Not really." Said Elizabeth.

Later that afternoon, Elizabeth was at the cash register, and was filled with dismay, though not surprise to see Mr. Grey standing in front of the counter.

"You want me to get a restraining order?" said Elizabeth.

"Uh…that would be a bit extreme, wouldn't it?" said Mr. Grey.

"Not really." said Elizabeth. She was about to say something more, when Mr. Grey sneezed loudly, startling her. She rolled her eyes, but then smiled.

"Je Reviens." She said.

"What?" said Mr. Grey.

"My perfume." Elizabeth said in a louder voice, leaning close to him to emphasize. "Like it?"  
Mr. Grey sneezed again. "Not really, no." He said.

"Too bad." Elizabeth said, smiling.

"But I'll adapt." Said Mr. Grey.

"No, no you won't." said Elizabeth. "Not if I have anything to say about it."  
"We'll see."  
"No, we won't see." Said Elizabeth. "Now please get out of here. We'd rather not have people sneezing on the baked goods. The board of health might come down on us."  
"Really."  
"Really." Said Elizabeth. "Out. Didn't you see the sign that said 'No sneezers'?"  
"That's discrimination." Said Mr. Grey. "I could sue. And I'd win, too."  
"How nice for you." Said Elizabeth.

"You're always flirting with me, aren't you, Elizabeth?" said Mr. Grey.

"You're truly insane, Mr. Grey." Said Elizabeth. "I'm always trying to get away from you."  
"Because you're attracted to me. Admit it." Said Mr. Grey.

"No, I'm not." Said Elizabeth.

"You are. And there's nothing wrong with it."

"This is some stalker shit right here, Stefan." Elizabeth said.

"Hardly." Said Mr. Grey. "But if you want to call me Stefan, you have to have dinner with me. Tonight. What do you say?"

"Mr. Grey. You're making a fool of yourself. It's beneath your dignity. And if you're anything, I'd say that you're a dignified man."

"Really?" Mr. Grey said, narrowing his eyes at her. "And what about what's beneath _your_ dignity, Elizabeth? Hmmm? What about that?"  
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about."  
"I think you do." Said Mr. Grey.

"I don't, now leave if you're not going to buy anything."

"Elizabeth." Said Mr. Grey. "Stop being so hostile, and have dinner with me."  
"Mr. Grey." Elizabeth said. "No."  
"Elizabeth-

"Now buy or go." Elizabeth said, pointing at the door, her face devoid of humor.

Mr. Grey looked at her, shaking his head. "Aberrant behavior." He said. "Aberrant."  
"_Go_." Elizabeth said angrily.

Mr. Grey walked out, not looking in the least happy. Elizabeth took a deep breath, shaking her head angrily.

"Hey, Liz." Toby said to her later that evening, after the bakery was closed.

"Yeah." Said Elizabeth, sounding distracted.

"Uh, about…you know."  
"No, I don't know. What?"  
"Your, uh…Mr. Grey."  
Elizabeth looked at him irritably. "_What_ about Mr. Grey, Toby?"  
"It's just that…that whole thing today…I was sort of…standing right near you, and-

"And what, Toby?"  
"I sort of…heard the whole thing." He looked at her.

"And?"

"Well, I just think that…he might be right."  
"About what, Toby?" said Elizabeth angrily.

"I mean…is there really any reason you have to be so hostile to him? He doesn't tolerate liars. So what?"  
"You saw him. Does he seem like someone who's tolerable to be around?"  
"Uh…" Toby said. "He doesn't seem that bad to me. I mean, maybe he's a little…blunt, but…"  
"A little blunt?" said Elizabeth making a noise of incredulity. "He's an asshole."  
"Well…maybe, but he's one who obviously likes you a whole lot, Elizabeth." Said Toby. "There's no reason to be rude to him."  
"I told him no. He won't take it for an answer." Elizabeth said. "That's a good reason to be rude to him, Toby."  
"Well, maybe you should tell him yes." Toby said. "Did you think of that?"  
Elizabeth laughed incredulously. "Toby, I can't believe you." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Who's side are you on, anyway?"  
"Yours." Said Toby. "That's why I think you should maybe give him a chance. No one said you had to be betrothed to him or anything. Maybe he'd be good for you. You agreed, you'd give others a chance."

"Not him." Said Elizabeth.

"I highly doubt there's anything all that wrong with him that you can't go to dinner with him once."

"Toby-" Elizabeth said. She shook her head. "What the hell's wrong with you, anyway?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Why don't you want me anymore?"  
"Oh, Elizabeth." Toby said. "No."  
"You know, I remember one time we did it in that little alcove in the back of the bakery. You remember that?"  
Toby shook his head.

"You don't?"  
"I do, but I-

She put her hand on his. "What if I said I wanted to go back there, and do right now, Toby? Would you? Would you still want me?"  
"I would." Toby said. "I would want to, but in the end, that would be all it would be. And I won't, because…I'm not going to…to take advantage of you, Elizabeth. So no."  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Toby-

"And you know what else, Elizabeth?" Toby said. "You don't want me anymore, either."  
"Yes, I do." Elizabeth said. "I do, Toby."  
"No. No, you don't. You just won't admit it." Said Toby. "You don't want to do it in the alcove, and you don't want anything else with me anymore. But you're afraid to admit it."

Elizabeth looked at him disconsolately.

"Really." Toby said. "You need to let go. Not live to like me anymore."  
"And then…and then the poison will go out?" Elizabeth said, looking at him, her tongue on one side of her mouth. "Of our friendship?"  
"Exactly." Toby said.

"And then what should I do, Toby?  
"Well…" Toby said. "That's up to you. But maybe you should at least consider…what's his name."  
"You don't like him, either." Said Elizabeth.

"I don't know him." Said Toby. "But I see that he certainly has the ability to make _your _hackles go up."  
"So I should just…embrace my…supposed feelings for…that…thing you saw?" said Elizabeth.

"Now he didn't seem all that bad to me, Liz." Said Toby. "You can't blame him for getting a little bent out of shape after you rejected him in a public place."  
"Who sounds like he has throat cancer?" Elizabeth said.

"Well, I…didn't particularly notice that, but again…the fact that _you_ did certainly indicates you must be paying pretty close attention to him, Liz."

Elizabeth shook her head, chuckling.

"Don't you agree?"  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Maybe." She said.

"Ah, progress." Said Toby. "See, that's the first step."  
"I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing, it though." Said Elizabeth. "That's the thing."  
"I can see that." Said Toby. "But you might want to swallow your pride. We all have to do that one time or another."

"Yeah, I guess so." Said Elizabeth.


	4. Chapter 4

"So." Elizabeth said to her father in the car the next morning. "How's that…person you work with?"  
"Mr. Grey?" Stephen said. "Well, actually…" He cleared his throat.

"What?" Elizabeth said, turning to look at him.

"After we were closing up the building yesterday, he turned to me and said 'You know Stephen, I like you, but your daughter's a real pill.'" Stephen cleared his throat. "And-

Elizabeth shook her head angrily. "And what did you say?"  
"Well, I said I agreed. You can be."  
"Dad…" She glared at him. "And what did he say?"  
"He laughed. And that was it."  
"What else did he say?"  
"That's all." Stephen said. "Why, what did you do?"  
"Nothing. He's insane." Said Elizabeth. She sighed. "I may have…been a little harsh in the bakery yesterday."  
"He was at the bakery?"

"Uh…_yeah_." Elizabeth said, glaring at him. "I can't imagine who would have told him the address."  
"That was awhile ago. I simply mentioned it in passing to him."

"Uh huh. Just innocently recommending it, huh?" said Elizabeth.  
"Just thought he'd be curious to see it."  
"Of course. Well, he was. In fact, he's been there twice, it seems." She shook her head.

"He's a determined guy."

"No kidding." Said Elizabeth. "Dad, doesn't this bother you at all?"  
Stephen sighed. "It would only bother me if I really thought it truly bothered you." He looked at her. "And from what I've witnessed, it seems…you two have a bit of a-

"Love-hate relationship?"  
"I was going to say rapport." Said Stephen. "But that, too."  
"Yeah, but Dad." She said. "What concerns me is that if he and I have a relationship, and it doesn't work out, then that will damage _your_ professional relationship with him."  
"I wouldn't worry about that." Said Stephen. "I'm a very good attorney. He knows that."  
"You sure?" said Elizabeth. "You are a good attorney, but my faith in him as a person is not exemplary. We don't know him. He could be batshit crazy, for all you know."  
"Oh, he's not that, Liz." Said Stephen. "I'm sure of that. He's a professional."  
"Hmmm." Said Elizabeth.

"Besides, Elizabeth. As I've said, Mr. Grey isn't really a bad sort. Not at all, in fact. He's a fair type of person."  
"Huh." Said Elizabeth. "_I'm_ not so sure of it."

Several days went by, and Elizabeth didn't see Mr. Grey when she drove her father to and from work. Finally, at the end of the week, she got of the car and walked into the building. She approached the secretary at the desk, Tricia.

"Is he in?" she asked her.

Tricia covered up the receiver of the phone she had been talking on. "Your father?"  
"No, Mr. Grey." Said Elizabeth. "Is he in?"

"Oh." Said Tricia. "Yes. He is."  
"Is his office that way?" She pointed.

"Uh…yes, but-

"Thanks." Elizabeth said.

"You know, I think you should wait until-" But Elizabeth had already started down the corridor. She opened the door of his office, and found him there at his desk.

"Mr. Grey." She said.

Mr. Grey looked up at her, startled. "Elizabeth." He said, sounding non-plussed. "What on earth are you doing?"  
"I came to talk to you." She said.

"Well, you can't." said Mr. Grey.

"Why not?" said Elizabeth.

"Because I have to work."  
She looked at the clock. "It's six pm."  
"So?" said Mr. Grey. "Surely you don't think I just automatically stop working at six on the dot, do you? We work long hours in this profession." He shoved some papers irritably into a drawer.

"Well, that didn't seem to bother you when you were out there talking to me a couple of weeks ago, did it? What time was it then?"  
"I don't have time for this, Elizabeth." Mr. Grey said. "I really don't."  
"I think you do." Elizabeth said. "I think you just don't want to."

"Well, you're wrong." Mr. Grey said.

"Look, I'm not going to come here and beg you, or anything." Elizabeth said.

"Well, who asked you to?" said Mr. Grey.

"I think that's what you want."

"Well, it's not. Not what I want at all."

"What do you want?" said Elizabeth.

"What do I want?" said Mr. Grey. "Nothing, Elizabeth. Nothing at all. From you."

Elizabeth sighed. "Well, what if I said I…wanted something from you?"

"What would that be?"

"I…" she bit her lip. "I want to apologize."  
"Uh huh."  
"I do." Said Elizabeth. "I…I'm sorry, okay."  
Mr. Grey sighed, not looking up at her. "For what, Elizabeth?"  
"For…being such a rude little creep." She rolled her eyes. "Okay?"

Mr. Grey shrugged, and raised an eyebrow.

"Mr. Grey," She walked over to his desk. "_Stefan_?"  
"Don't call me that." Said Mr. Grey.

"Look, I don't know about everybody else, but I'm not going to call you Mr. Grey. It's demeaning. Not to mention stupid, and insane."  
Mr. Grey gave a short bark of laughter. "You've got some nerve."  
"Don't I?" said Elizabeth. "I have to keep my foot on your back at all times. I have this feeling."  
"Maybe you need to quit having these feelings you have."  
"Do you really want me to call you Mr. Grey?" said Elizabeth, rolling her eyes. "Because I will, if that's really what makes you comfortable."  
"No, I want you to call me nothing whatsoever." Said Mr. Grey. "What I'd like is for you to leave my office, and not come back. Perhaps I'll catch a glimpse of you as you're picking your father up from the office. And I'll look away. And go back in the building."  
"Why?" said Elizabeth.

"Because." Said Mr. Grey. "I don't care to converse with someone who's unbalanced. And spiteful. And headstrong. And full of ill will. And-

"Are you going to be done any time soon?" said Elizabeth.

"No. Also dishonest. _And _ungrateful."

"I don't know about all of that," said Elizabeth. "But I do have a lot of anger. And…" She sat down in the chair. "I may have…unreasonably taken it out on you."  
Mr. Grey laughed incredulously. "Well, that certainly is a recommendation. You barely even know me, yet you saw fit to victimize me."  
"I'd hardly say _that_." Said Elizabeth. "I mean, you _are _annoying. The way _you _saw fit to correct me after knowing me for sixty seconds, and-

"That's enough. You can leave now." Said Mr. Grey.

"No." said Elizabeth.

Mr. Grey looked at her. "Elizabeth-

"Listen, Mr. Grey." Elizabeth said. "About Toby."  
"I don't want to hear about Toby." Said Mr. Grey.

"This is important. For years, I loved a man who didn't even come close to feeling the same way about me as I did about him." She sighed. "I don't know why I did. I mean, Toby's a great guy, but-

"I don't want to hear-

"Well, he has many things to recommend him. But even after we broke up, I was…obsessed. In a certain way. My feelings for him…I just refused to let go of them because I entertained the notion, somewhere in the back of my mind, that he would change."  
Mr. Grey sighed, and shook his head.

"But Toby's not…capable of loving anyone back that way. He's…he's too screwed up about relationships, and about his parents, and I knew that, but I was just…stubborn. I deluded myself. For years, I deluded myself. Even…even when I said I wasn't deluding myself, that I'd accepted the way he is, and could just…be there in his life, without romantic involvement-

"When he clearly didn't want you in his life."  
"Right. He doesn't want me to devote my whole life to him. But I deluded myself…that that would be a good thing to do."  
"Why, is the question?" said Mr. Grey.

"Because…I don't know…because I thought…loving someone unconditionally would…make me…more…whole. And.."  
"Loving someone unconditionally." Said Mr. Grey. "Who didn't even remotely love you back. Who for years let you go on thinking that it was okay to…to just…be like a nun, and-

"He never thought it was okay." Elizabeth said. "He never once said that. He was very vocal about wanting me to find someone else."  
"Oh, I don't know." Said Mr. Grey. "I really don't think that he's quite so _innocent_ as you think. But I'll have it your way. Let's examine how you were culpable in all this."  
"Culpable?" said Elizabeth.

"Yes. Culpable." Said Mr. Grey. "For years, you knowingly vowed to…forsake all involvement with anyone else, practically, because…why?"  
"Because I thought it was right."  
"Thought it was right. May I ask, what the _hell_ kind of life you thought you were going to have, continuing on that way?"  
Elizabeth looked down at the floor. "I don't know." She said.

"What goes through your mind, Elizabeth?" said Mr. Grey. "What goes on in that head of yours?"

Elizabeth looked at him indignantly. "Mr. Grey.-" She took a deep breath. "Why do you care?"  
Mr. Grey looked down at the desk. "Because…" he said.

"Because why?"

"Elizabeth-

"Why?"

"I-" He looked at her. "Because…I…care about you."  
Elizabeth bit her lip. "I care about you, too."

"Ha." Mr. Grey said. "No, you don't."  
"I do."  
"Another lie. You don't care about me. You just…" He shrugged his shoulders.

"Just what?"

"You don't. Don't try to tell me you do. People don't change overnight."  
"I want to." Said Elizabeth. "I want to change. And I do care about you."

"What about…you know…" His mouth turned down sourly. "Toby?"  
"Toby and I haven't been together for a long time, Mr. Grey."  
"I know that, Elizabeth, but.." He made a small gesture. "What about how you feel about him? Do you still…yearn after him?"  
"Yearn after?" said Elizabeth. "No."  
"Are you still in love with him?" said Mr. Grey. "Are you thinking about him right now?"  
"No, Mr. Grey." Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes.

Mr. Grey stood up, and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Elizabeth," he said. "I want you to listen to me."  
"Okay." Elizabeth said.

"Are you listening to me?" said Mr. Grey. "I need to know that you are."  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you do need to. But I am."  
"All right. Good." Mr. Grey said. "Elizabeth, you are not going to think about Toby…ever again."  
"Not even when he's giving me orders to fill at work?"  
"This is serious business." Said Mr. Grey. "You know perfectly well what I mean. In a romantic way. In a sexual way. As anything but your supervisor."  
"And friend?"  
"Not too friendly a friend." Said Mr. Grey.

"Yeah." Said Elizabeth. "Mr. Grey, all this nonsense really isn't-

"It's not nonsense." Mr. Grey said sharply.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

"It's not nonsense." Mr. Grey repeated in a gentler tone. "It's an important promise you must keep, if you want to…if you want to be…"  
"Okay." Said Elizabeth. "Okay."  
"Are we going to be serious?" said Mr. Grey. "Because Elizabeth, I feel like I'm not reaching you right now…and what I want most is to reach you."  
Elizabeth was quiet. "Yeah." She said. "Okay, Mr. Grey."  
"Good." Said Mr. Grey. He took a deep breath. "Now. I want you to promise me that all that nonsense…all that misplaced devotion to Toby…that's over now. That's no longer a part of who you are."

"I…I promise." Said Elizabeth.

"You're over that now." Mr. Grey said firmly.

"I'm over it." Said Elizabeth. "I'm over it, now."

"Good." Mr. Grey said. "You're going to start behaving like a grown up now."

"Okay, now you're pushing it." Said Elizabeth. "You can't talk to me that-

"Elizabeth." Said Mr. Grey. "You're going to start behaving like a grown-up now. Say it."  
"I didn't know I wasn't, Mr. Grey. I think I'm very-

"In most respects, but not about this. Not about Toby. Now say it."  
"I'm going to start behaving like a…grown up now." Said Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Elizabeth." Said Mr. Grey. "You're not exactly behaving like a grown up at this very moment. In fact, I'd say you're behaving like a sullen teenager."  
"Uh, Mr. Grey." Elizabeth pursed her lips. "I'm afraid you've got another think coming if you think I'm going to be letting you order me around."  
Mr. Grey sighed and shook his head.

"Well, I'm not." Said Elizabeth. "But…I…" She sighed. "I understand where you're coming from. I wasn't behaving like a grown-up, about Toby, and he and my feelings for him are no longer a part of who I am. That _is_ over now." She said firmly. "Okay?"

"Yes. Good." Said Mr. Grey. "Very good."  
"I have the strangest feeling," Elizabeth said. "That you resent the idea that I'm not someone you can order around. Is that right?"  
"Is that what you think about me, Elizabeth.?" Said Mr. Grey.

"Well..yeah. Kind of." Said Elizabeth. "But I like you anyway."  
"Well, it's not true." Said Mr. Grey. "I simply want to…make a connection with you, Elizabeth. Not order you around."  
"I understand." Said Elizabeth.

"What a pipe dream to think that you'd ever be all that pliant, anyway." Said Mr. Grey.

"I can be…pliant." Said Elizabeth. "I just don't want to be your doormat."  
"I don't want a doormat." Said Mr. Grey firmly. "But…you've got to compromise sometimes, Elizabeth. You've got to give."  
"I know." Said Elizabeth. "I think you'd find that I will..when it counts."  
"Good." Said Mr. Grey.

"But…" she said. "Mr. Grey, it…isn't a pipe dream to think that…I'd…like you."  
Mr. Grey looked at her. "Well, that's good, Elizabeth." He said. He looked a little sad.

"Yeah." Elizabeth bit her lip. She put her hands on his, which were still on her shoulders.

Mr. Grey looked at her, and kissed her on the forehead suddenly. She closed her eyes, then stood up.

"Elizabeth?" said Mr. Grey.

"I think you missed it by a little." Elizabeth said, and kissed him gently on the lips, then more forcefully. She looked at him. He looked back at her. There was a long silence.

"I think," he said after a minute. "That you can call me Stefan now."  
"Oh." Elizabeth said. "Are you sure I'm worthy of the honor?"  
"I'm sure, Elizabeth." Said Mr. Grey.

"Good. I'm glad, Stefan." Said Elizabeth, shaking her head.

"Will you stop lolling your tongue like that?" said Mr. Grey. "It's driving me crazy."  
"I _bet_ it is, Stefan." Said Elizabeth.


	5. Chapter 5

"So Stefan," Elizabeth said later that evening when they were eating dinner together. "Can I ask you a personal question?"  
"If I can ask you one, Elizabeth."

"What do you want to ask?" Elizabeth said.

"I don't want to ask anything." Mr. Grey said. "I just want you to tell me something personal about yourself. Anything at all."  
"Okay. Um…can I ask first?" Elizabeth said.

"Of course."

"How come…you don't like to be called Stefan?"  
"Well," Mr. Grey said. "It happens…that…I don't like the person I was when I…when I was younger."

"Why not?" said Elizabeth.

"Oh, I was…I was a liar. And…spiteful." He looked at her. "And I did a lot of partying, and had a lot of…indiscriminate sex, and…never stayed faithful to the same woman."  
"Oh." Said Elizabeth.

"But I was…determined to change. And I did. Over time. And I found that life was..much more fulfilling after I did. I was a desperately unhappy person, you see."

"Wow." Said Elizabeth. "When was all this? All this indiscriminate sex, and partying?"  
"Oh, college. High school. I was…in trouble most of my childhood, and in high school, and college, as well."

"Why do you think that was?" Elizabeth said.

"Oh, I don't know." Said Stefan. "I was screwed up. My…father never approved of me."

"Why not?"  
"Well, he wasn't my real father, for one thing. He was my stepfather. I never knew my real father..he left shortly after I was born."  
"Is that a reason, though?" said Elizabeth.

"Is what a reason?"  
"For him not to approve of you? Him not being your real father? Is that a good reason?"  
"Well, no." said Stefan. "It isn't."  
"Why didn't he?"  
"Well, I don't know why he didn't approve of me, Elizabeth." Said Stefan, looking down at the table. "He just didn't. You'd have to ask him, wouldn't you?"  
"Okay, Stefan." Elizabeth said, putting her hand on his. "Okay." She bit her lip.

"I guess…him disapproving of me, for no reason, after awhile, made me want to give him reasons to do so. And I did. Many reasons."  
"What did he do? For a living?"  
Stefan looked at her. "Guess." He said.

"He was a lawyer." Elizabeth said.

"Indeed." Stefan said. He looked at her. "Now you must tell me." He said. "Something personal."

"What do you want to know?"

"No, no, no." Stefan said. "Remember, I said that _you _should decide."  
"Okay. Um…" She traced a pattern on the table with her hand. "Um…"  
Stefan placed his hand on hers. "Elizabeth. Are you shy?"  
Elizabeth laughed. "Do I seem shy?"  
"Well, you're…always saying sarcastic things, but.." He looked at her. "I think you secretly are." He moved his chair closer. "I think you're secretly a shy, sensitive, young woman who yearns for appreciation." He looked at her. "Don't you?"  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Maybe." She said. "Could be."  
"I'm shy, you know." Stefan said.

"You?" Elizabeth said.

"I am. Very. You haven't noticed I'm a bit…uh…" He gestured with his hand.

"Stiff?" Elizabeth suggested. "Awkward?"  
"Well, it seems like you readily agree then."

"No, I-

"But yes." Stefan said.

"Yeah." Elizabeth said. "I noticed."  
"I overcome my shyness," said Stefan. "In order to get things done. But I was always…very shy. Of course, I covered it up when I was younger with a lot of…of…arrogance, and…haughtiness."

"Much like now." Elizabeth said, but felt a sharp pang of remorse when she saw a flash of hurt in his eyes. "Stefan…" She squeezed his hand.

"No." Stefan said softly. "Not like now. Not at all."  
"You're just a bit…I just meant you're a bit…bossy. With me, certainly."  
"Huh." Said Stefan. "Well, you may not realize I was just trying to help you, Elizabeth."  
"Sometimes." She said.

"Always." Said Stefan.

"Nooo, I don't think always. I think sometimes you're just…an officious guy."  
"Well there's no one that's perfect, is there?" Stefan said. "But what I mean is that I always want to help you, Elizabeth. I think that you're…you've had a very unhappy life."  
Elizabeth shrugged. "It could have been a lot worse. But yeah."  
"What's your something personal, Elizabeth?" said Stefan.

"I…in high school, people called me 'Eliza Do Little'. Because I…wouldn't. With anyone. I mean, not even dating. Or…kissing. Or holding hands. Much less the other."  
"And why was that, Elizabeth?" Stefan said. "Though I could probably guess."  
"Because of Toby, yeah. I sort of wanted to…save myself for him." She shrugged. "I don't…I don't have any big, deep dark secrets. I'm sorry."

"What was it that made you do this, Elizabeth? That made you want him so much? That you would not even consider going on a date with anyone else?"  
Elizabeth shrugged. "I don't…I don't even know anymore." She said. "I mean, I know he was a really good looking guy, and smart, and funny, but…I.. can't even really…" She shook her head.

"Elizabeth…Stefan started to say, but trailed off. "Did he appreciate you? At all?

Elizabeth looked down at the table sadly. "I don't…I don't know. Toby…has his problems. But he's a nice guy."  
"I don't care if he's a nice guy. I'm not a nice guy, but-

"Yes, you are, Stefan." Said Elizabeth. "You may not be a particularly…tactful person, but you're a great guy. Really."  
"Well, the point is, that 'nice' guys are rarely truly nice. I had a friend who was like that. He was tactful. Always appearing to want to please other people. But he was…truly a…hateful coward." He looked at her. "And I think that Toby is a sociopath."  
"No, he isn't." said Elizabeth. "That's ridiculous."  
"I don't think it is." Stefan said. "He was perfectly happy to use you, and then throw you away when he was done with you, wasn't he?"  
"No!" Elizabeth said. "That's not it at all. We were together for three years, and then we broke up, and became friends. It's not unheard of to be friends with your ex, Stefan."  
"Oh?" Stefan said. "Tell me, Elizabeth. Did Toby remain celibate as well after you broke up?"  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Of course not. No." she said. "But I never asked him to."  
"So he's had girlfriends."  
Elizabeth looked down at the table. "Uh…yeah." She said. "A lot, actually."  
"And how did that make you feel, when he would wave these girlfriends in front of your face?"  
Elizabeth sighed. "Not great. But-

"Sleeps with a lot of women, does he?"  
"I didn't say that."  
"You don't have to." Said Stefan. "What about when you were together? Was he faithful?"  
"Stefan-

"Was he?"  
"Most of the time. He…he's always sort of...had an eye for other women."  
"What is wrong with you, Elizabeth?" Stefan said angrily.

"All right, that's quite enough, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "What business is it of yours, anyway?"  
"It just is. You should know better." He shook his head. "You should have known better. You're a smart girl."  
"Well, things were…complicated." Said Elizabeth. "But you're right. I shouldn't have waited so long…for him to change. But he never said he wanted me to."  
"It doesn't matter. He let you work for him, and be around him, knowing how you felt about him. I tell you, Elizabeth, I would not be too jazzed to be around anyone who would treat me that way."  
"I wouldn't get so worked up about it, Stefan."

"I don't care what you would do." Said Stefan. "And I'm not getting worked up. I'm simply pointing out the truth."  
"You know what, never mind about Toby." Elizabeth said. "I want to hear about your friend. Who you said was a hateful coward, and tried to please everyone."

"Well, it certainly is a relief that you don't want to talk about Toby."

" What was his name?" Elizabeth said. "Your friend?"  
"Blane." Said Stefan.

"Blane." Elizabeth repeated. "Was he a lawyer?"  
"He could be for all I know." Stefan said. "I lost touch with him. But I knew him before I became a lawyer. We grew up together."

"Oh." Elizabeth said. "Well, what did he do? That was so hateful, and cowardly?"  
Stefan shrugged. "Listened to me." He said.

"About what?"

"A lot of things."  
"Like…?"

"Well, for one thing, there was this girl he dated. Wanted to date." Said Stefan. "I…didn't approve of her."  
"I see that even back then you were telling everybody what to do." Said Elizabeth.

"No, this was…different." Said Stefan. "But he liked her. And I told him he shouldn't date her, or we'd no longer be friends."  
"Why did you think that he shouldn't date her?" Elizabeth said.

"Well, she was…we grew up in affluent familes, Blane and I."  
"Yeah, you talk like it." Said Elizabeth.

"I suppose so."  
"I suppose, too." Said Elizabeth. "Did he drone? Blane?"  
"What?" Stefan said.

"I just thought..that's what people from affluent families must do." Said Elizabeth innocently.

"Did you now?" said Stefan.

"Yep." Elizabeth smiled, putting her tongue towards one side of her mouth, looking at him. He looked back at her.

"Elizabeth-

"So this Blane." Elizabeth said. "This affluent friend of yours. You told him he shouldn't date her because…"  
"Because she was not from an affluent family."  
"Bit of a snob, there, aren't we, Stefan?" said Elizabeth.

"I was. I told him I thought she was trash." Said Stefan. "And he listened to me. He broke up with her shortly after. So that's why he was a coward."

"I see. You're mad at him for listening to you." Elizabeth said.

"I am."  
"So by that logic _I_ shouldn't listen to you?"  
"No, you should." Said Stefan. "As I said, I was a different person back then."  
"And that's why you don't speak to him? Blane? You insulted his girlfriend by calling her trash, trying to tell him who to date, and when he caved in and went along with you, you call him a coward? And hateful?"  
"What do you know about it?" Stefan said. "That was years ago. You had nothing to do with it."  
"Since I was an infant then, I guess I didn't." Elizabeth said.

"See how much you can get away with, Elizabeth." Stefan said.

"Okay, okay." Elizabeth said. "Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to point that out. Even though it's true."  
"Not to mention your other cracks." Said Stefan. "You think I'm unaware?"  
"Of what?" Elizabeth said.

"About 'people from affluent families'."  
Elizabeth shrugged. "So why did you care so much about people only dating people from affluent families?"  
"Because my values were not what they should have been back then, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "But that has nothing to do with now."

"But you really cared so much…whether your friend dated a girl who wasn't rich like you two?" Elizabeth said. "Seems like a smart guy like you would have better things to do than that. Why did you care?"  
"I told you. I was very…hung up on class back then, Elizabeth."  
"Why are you angry at Blane for listening to you, so much that you won't speak to him anymore? There must be more to it than that."  
"I didn't say I don't speak to him. I said we've lost touch. He moved away, the last I'd heard. But that's not the part I'm angry about, anyway."  
"Well, what is?"  
"Well," Stefan said. "They got back together, and-

"Wait. They got back together?" said Elizabeth.

"Yes. But-

"And that makes you angry? Still?"  
"I didn't say-

"Wait." Said Elizabeth. "This girl you told him was trash. _You _liked her, didn't you?"

"I didn't…I…" He sighed. "Maybe."  
"You did." Said Elizabeth.

"Okay, I did." Said Stefan. "What about it?"  
"What was her name?"

"Andrea Walsh. Andie." Said Stefan.

"Andie, huh?" said Elizabeth. "Was she good-looking?"  
"I suppose."  
"Was she better looking than me?"  
"No." said Stefan. "She really wasn't, Elizabeth. Not as."  
Elizabeth smiled softly. "So," she said "I'm guessing you went to great lengths to convince Blane that his girlfriend was trash, so he'd dump her, and she'd date you instead, huh?"  
"No, actually." Said Stefan. "I liked Andie, but…well, she did not return my affection. Maybe she was right not to. I was not…the type to sustain a good relationship with a woman at that time."  
"Did you tell her how you felt?"

"Well, I wasn't terribly good at telling people 'how I felt' back then, Elizabeth, but I frequently asked her on dates. And…she refused."  
"And how did you feel about that?"  
"Angry. Spited. A little hurt."

"Because you had feelings for her that ran deeper than the norm for you, huh?" Elizabeth said.

"Yes." Said Stefan. "I did. And then she turns around and dates Blane. That was a hard pill to swallow, especially when he went parading her around everywhere in front of my face. So I reacted in a very spiteful manner towards her. I pretended I didn't even know who she was a lot of the time...and I did everything in my power to convince Blane we all looked down on him for dating her."  
"Because you wanted to get back at her because she wanted Blane and not you."

"Well, of course I was jealous because of that." Said Stefan. "But this girl…Andie…she was not entirely innocent herself in all this. Not in my opinion."  
"Why?" Elizabeth said. "What did she do?"  
"Well, before Blane started dating her, I had done absolutely nothing to her. And she continually was rude to me from the get-go. I would ask her out, and she would act like…well, like a bitch, I'd say."  
"What did she say to you? When you'd ask her out?"  
"Well, one time I asked her what she thought made her any different from all the other girls I'd been out with, and-

" 'All' the other girls?" said Elizabeth.

"I told you, Elizabeth." Said Stefan. "I was not what you'd call a chaste person back then. And I did have a reputation for…being somewhat of a…playboy."  
"I see." Elizabeth said. "And this reputation you had was true, then?"  
"Well…yes, Elizabeth, but that's really beside the point. I had not cheated on or two-timed her, we'd never dated. And I had been nothing but charming to her."  
"Hmmm."  
"Well, I hadn't. She felt that just because I was known as a scoundrel, that she should take it upon herself to treat me as such. I asked her why she refused to date me, and she said 'I have some taste.'"  
"She sounds like a girl after my own heart."  
"Very funny, Elizabeth." Said Stefan.

"And what did you say? When she said that?"

"I told her she was a bitch." Said Stefan. "And then I said 'You should see a doctor, because that condition of yours could get a whole lot worse.'"  
"Being a bitch?" said Elizabeth.

"Yes." said Stefan.

"And I see you're proud of that little gem, aren't you?" Elizabeth said.

"Well.." Stefan said. "Of course, I was eighteen then, and now I would do things a lot differently. As I'm sure you realize."

"Yeah, I realize."  
"And no, I was not exactly the greatest person to be around then, as I said, acting out to displease my stepfather was my main goal back then. I had a lot of flaws."

"Yeah." Elizabeth said.

"But the fact remains that you did not meet this girl, Elizabeth. She was, in fact, a very hostile person. She walked around with this haughty, angry look on her face all the time, and I could tell…I could just tell, that she had a chip on her shoulder."  
"About what?"  
"Well, most of us at the school I attended did come from well-to-do families, and, as noted, Andie was not one of them. So I'm sure that that _might_ have had quite a bit to do with it." Stefan said. "But that certainly wasn't my fault. She had no reason to be hostile to me, Elizabeth. You don't believe me?"  
"Of course I do." Elizabeth said. "No, she…did sound kind of like a bitch. I bet she was a bitch."  
"She was an angry young woman, I think." Stefan said.

"Like me?"

"No, not at all like you. You're much…sweeter a person than she was." He looked at her. "But something about you does remind me of her."  
"Do I look like her?" Elizabeth said.

"No, you look nothing alike, but…" He took her hand. "Could be something inside. A…sadness, maybe."  
Elizabeth bit her lip. "So…you did…study her some, then. You made observations about her…thought she was sad?"  
"I suppose so, though I never really articulated it in my mind that way, back then. Those observations are in retrospect, really." Said Stefan. "But I was sad, myself, back then. Screwed up. And angry, and bitter, and…filled with insecurities."  
Elizabeth bit her lip. "Do you regret the way you acted with her now? And Blane?"  
"Yes, of course. I regret a great many things I did in my youth." Said Stefan.

"And are you angry with Blane…because you wish he'd stood up to you?"  
"No, I'm angry with him because…he showed great disloyalty to me as a friend."  
"How so? Just by dating Andie?"

"No, he ended our friendship. Just like that. And it was he who never spoke to me again."  
"Oh." Said Elizabeth. "Well, you did tell him his girlfriend was trash, and try to bully him into breaking up with her. I guess maybe he did have some cause to be angry."  
"My behavior would certainly justify anger," Stefan said. "but he knew me for years, so he should have known not to take anything I said seriously. But he did."  
"You're mad at him for taking what you said seriously, you get mad at me for not taking what you say seriously enough. You seem a bit confused, Stefan."  
"I'm not angry at him for taking what I said seriously. I'm angry at him for taking it seriously because it was obvious he never placed great value on our friendship in the first place, and ended it the first chance he got."  
Elizabeth was silent for a minute. "Well," she said. "I guess maybe you're right. Never speaking to you again over something in high school does sound pretty extreme."  
"It certainly is." Said Stefan.

"That thing I told you…about how they called me 'Eliza Do Little' in high school?" said Elizabeth, after they'd been dating for several weeks. They were sitting on a couch in his office.

"Yes?"  
"That was really stupid."  
"Well, boys can be pretty stupid at that age, Elizabeth. I was one of them…in fact, I probably would have been just the type to come up with something like that…though I'd imagine I'd have been a bit more clever than that."  
"Well, I'm sure you would, Stefan, but that's not what I meant. I meant…I should have come up with something better than that to tell you about myself."  
"Oh, I don't know." Said Stefan. "I think it speaks volumes to me about you. Speaks to your unhealthy devotion to Toby, who cared nothing for you."  
"I wouldn't say that." Said Elizabeth. "But in any case, I…I had something I wanted to tell you…something else. Personal." Said Elizabeth.

"You can tell me anything, Elizabeth." Said Stefan. "You know that."

Elizabeth looked down at the ground. "I…one time, when I was sixteen…saw my dad hit my mom after…he'd been drinking. He…pushed her into a lamp, and there was broken glass all over the floor…" She shook her head.

"I see." Said Stefan.

"I was never more…disappointed. Or disillusioned. Because…my father's such a good person, such a great guy, when he's sober. But I never thought…he'd hit my mom…not even when he was drinking." She shook her head. "And…I shouldn't tell you about this, because…he's your partner, and…I don't want to-

Stefan shook his head. "Elizabeth…" he said. "You need to stop worrying so much about your father."  
Elizabeth looked at her hands sadly. "I don't want to make you think-

"I already think what I'm going to think anyway, Elizabeth." Said Stefan. "And alcohol…is a terrible thing. It makes people do things they would ordinarily never do. That's why I quit drinking, back in college."  
"Were you a mean drunk?" Elizabeth said. "I bet you were. I bet you were a real jerk when you drank."  
"Elizabeth, that's entirely uncalled for." said Stefan.

"I'm just saying…"

"But yes. It certainly didn't improve my disposition."

"I bet."  
"Elizabeth," said Stefan. "Your father's alcoholism has taken its toll on your life, hasn't it?"  
Elizabeth sighed. "Yeah. It's been hard, worrying about him. That's the main thing." she said. "And all those years my parents spent at each other's throats because of it…it wouldn't have looked like they were to other people, they were always happy, and smiling around other people…but then my father would drink, and when they got home…you would never know they were the same people."  
"What happened to your mother?"  
"Oh, she lives with her sister in Indiana now. I guess eventually…it all got to be too much for her."

"But not for you." Stefan said. "You stayed."  
"Well, yeah, I mean, he's my dad. He and I have always been very close, and I'm all he's got. They never had any other children."

"I see." Said Stefan. "But you know, Elizabeth, Stephen doesn't want you to spend your whole life taking care of him. He wants you to live your own life."  
"Has he said something like that to you?"  
"Not in so many words. But he's your father, and he loves you very much. He talks about you all the time, and how much he's concerned about your life."

"I know." Elizabeth said. "I know he is."  
"You know, Elizabeth," Stefan said. "When I first met your father, he told me about his alcohol trouble, and how you drive him every day to work. And…since then…" He looked down at his lap.

"What?" Elizabeth said, looking at him with concern.

"Ever since then, I've…" He wouldn't meet her eyes. "I've…."  
"You've what?"  
"I've…wondered about you. I've wondered what's inside you that makes you let yourself…suffer so much on behalf of others. Such as your father. Not to mention…Toby."  
"I'm not suffering all that much, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "I'm not suffering at all, really. And my devotion to Toby was hardly selfless."  
"Still, it takes something…above and beyond what most people have…to allow yourself to put up with so much from one person." Stefan said. "I'm referring to Toby, of course. And that doesn't mean it wasn't a childish…willful demeaning of yourself."  
"Please." Said Elizabeth. "We just…weren't right for each other, and I wouldn't let myself see it. There's no need to be quite so melodramatic about it, now is there?"  
"Elizabeth…" said Stefan. "I think…for years, you've…never truly been appreciated. This man you loved for years…treated you like garbage. Admit it."  
"Toby didn't treat me like garbage, Stefan. He doesn't treat anyone like garbage. He's not that sort."  
"He's the sort that will laugh with you, and make you feel at ease, and joke about everything, and in the meantime, not have a shred of regard for you. And he didn't. Because that type usually doesn't."  
"Okay." Said Elizabeth. "I see. I see what's going on here. I shouldn't trust someone who's pleasant to be around, and treats me well. _That_ person's not going to have any regard for me. Because in order to be trustworthy, you must be a droning, unpleasant, overbearing, insulting stiff. Right?"  
"Yes, Elizabeth." Said Stefan. "That's right."  
"Huh." Elizabeth said.

"If anyone's going to have regard for you, it will be the droning, unpleasant stiff." Said Stefan. "If anyone has…tremendous regard for you, it's the droning, unpleasant stiff. As you put it."  
Elizabeth swallowed, but shook her head."' Regard'?" she said. "Now, see, that sounds like a word a stiff would use."  
"Uh huh." Said Stefan. "Does it."  
"Then that's it?" Elizabeth said. "Just.. 'regard'? That's all you have to say?"

"You called me a droning, unpleasant, stiff. You should be happy I _have_ regard for you."  
"Don't forget overbearing and insulting."  
"That, too. It's the 'unpleasant' part that bothers me the most. I'm very pleasant."  
"So you admit you're insulting and bossy?"  
"I admit it's not entirely inaccurate." Said Stefan. "But the bossing is for your own good."

Elizabeth smiled, and shook her head.

"Elizabeth," Stefan said. He cupped her face in his hands. "I'm very…fond of you."  
" 'Fond of'?"  
"Elizabeth!" Stefan said angrily. "It's…it's very hard for me to…express myself, at times."  
"Oh, come on. You can express yourself quite well, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "You're a lawyer."  
"I'm not a lawyer when I'm with you." Stefan said. "I'm…I'm…"  
"Shy?" Elizabeth suggested.

"No, Elizabeth." Stefan said abruptly. "I'm not shy. I'm just a droning, unpleasant stiff, is what it is."  
"Okay, okay." Elizabeth said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I don't know what made me say that."

"Insanity, probably."  
"Thanks a lot." Said Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth…" Stefan said. "I…well, _I_ appreciate you. Of course, you're an intelligent, beautiful young woman. But I see something in you…in the way that you…in the way that you've stood by your father…and even in the way that you were so devoted to Toby, as unhealthy as it was…it shows a kind of determination. You won't back down, though you've been hurt so many times, by so many people. You've gone years…with so little happiness in your life."  
"I've been happy. Helping my father does make me happy."

"Well, maybe. But what has anyone ever done for you, Elizabeth? Have you asked yourself that question?"  
"I don't know." Elizabeth said. "But Stefan…who appreciates you? Has anyone ever?"  
"I…I don't know, Elizabeth. I'm certainly well-respected as an attorney."  
"I'm not talking about as an attorney. I'm talking about as a person. Is there someone who truly appreciates you? Has there ever been?"  
"I don't know, Elizabeth, but-

"At least I have loving parents." Said Elizabeth. "I mean, my father thinks that I'm a total loony-wack job because of the Toby thing, but of course he appreciates me as a person. But your parents weren't loving. You told me your stepfather never approved of you. And…has there been anyone…a woman, who appreciates you for anything meaningful? What about friends? Blane? He didn't appreciate you, from what you've told me. Has there been _anyone _who does?"

"I…I don't know, Elizabeth, but…"  
"You don't know, because you think there's nothing to appreciate. You don't like yourself." Said Elizabeth. She took his hand. "But…I appreciate you, Stefan. I don't mean half the things I say…and I know…you're caring, and kind, and witty, and intelligent, and good-natured…well, most of the time. I truly appreciate you, and what you're doing for me. How much you care about me."

Stefan looked at her, sadness etched on his face. "Elizabeth…" he said. "I want you to know…I…I've cared for you…ever since I've known you…and I.." He sniffed.

"Allergies?" Elizabeth said.

"And," he continued, ignoring her. "I love the way your…dark hair contrasts with your…ethereal blue eyes, and your tiny little upturned nose, and-

"Tiny?"

"And your laugh. And the way you smile. And the way you're always so…insolent. I bet you're thinking of something insolent to say right now. Aren't you?"

Elizabeth smiled and shrugged.

"And I love…the way your tongue darts around in your mouth. Especially after you've said something insolent."

Elizabeth laughed.

"I guess…" said Stefan. "I don't express myself very well about these things."  
"What?" Elizabeth said. "Are you kidding? It was great. That was…really beautiful, Stefan."  
"But what I'm trying to say is, Elizabeth…that didn't…I can't come up with anything…that truly conveys how…deeply I'm…in love with you." he said, putting his hands on her shoulders.

Elizabeth nodded. "I see." she said. She bit her lip. "Well-

"I mean, I am a droning…what was that you said? Unpleasant stiff, after all."

"All right, you ruined it now." Elizabeth said. "You can't let anything go, can you."  
"Oh, so there was something of value to ruin according to you, then?"

"Of course there was something of value to ruin." Elizabeth said.

"Well, what was it, Elizabeth?" said Stefan.

"What was what?" said Elizabeth.

"Do you feel…the same way?" Stefan said. "As I do about you?" He squeezed her shoulder, and looked at her, waiting for answer.

"I…yes." Elizabeth said, looking flustered. "Like I said, I appreciate you. I appreciate what a great person you are. I'm sorry I went to such great lengths to avoid you before."  
"Thank you for that." Stefan said.

"And…I…you're, um….you're…" She looked down at her lap. "I…it's…"  
"What?"  
"You're…you're a really beautiful man." She said, rolling her eyes. "In fact sometimes I think…you're so handsome I could cry." She looked at him.

"You do?" Stefan said.

"Yeah." Said Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth," said Stefan. "this is a whole new side of you." He reached over, and pulled her close to him, studying her.

"I shouldn't have said that." Elizabeth said. "It will open up a long era of you running over me."  
"Only in your twisted mind."

"I take it back." Said Elizabeth.

"You can never take it back." said Stefan, a bemused tone in his voice.

"Oh, yes I can." Elizabeth said.

"No." Stefan said, kissing her lips gently.

"No. Stefan. No." Elizabeth said as he pressed his lips to her throat. "Stefan? Stefan. Please. I have some taste, Stefan."  
Stefan looked up at her. "Indeed. You do. You have a very lovely taste, in fact." He kissed her lips.

As he was kissing her, she let out a small groan of false dismay. "But I had some taste." she said dejectedly, before returning his kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

"So" Toby said, several months later, in the bakery. "How's…uh, how are things going?"  
"Things are going great." Elizabeth replied. "How are things going for you?"  
"Great, great." He tapped his fingers on the counter. "So…you….still seeing Mr. Grey?"  
"Yes, I'm still seeing him." she said. "It's Stefan, by the way."  
"I'm good with Mr. Grey, if you don't mind." Toby said.

"Why?" Elizabeth said. "You don't like him?"  
"I don't know him." said Toby. He studied her. "You're…in love with him, then?"  
Elizabeth sighed. "Don't make me answer that, Toby."  
"Why?"  
"Because…the answer might make me throw up. I'd rather not think about the…feelings he makes me feel." She looked at him. "Why? You're not jealous, are you?"  
"No," said Toby. "Don't be ridiculous. But…"  
"What?" Elizabeth said. She looked at him. "Toby, you practically begged me to date him. What are you saying?"  
"I did, and I'm glad I did. Make no mistake. I'm glad you're…you've found someone else to occupy your time. But…I don't know, Liz…do you think you should keep your options open?"  
"With who? You?"  
"Of course not. But…how long have you two been dating?"  
"A little under a year."  
"Well, are you thinking seriously of settling down with him?"  
"Toby, I don't know." Elizabeth said. "I'd like to see where it goes. But…maybe."  
"So you love him?"  
She sighed. "Yes. I love Stefan. Okay? Loathe as I am to admit it."  
"I don't know, Elizabeth." Toby said. "Are you sure about this?"

"Toby, why wouldn't I be sure?" Elizabeth said.

"Well, for one thing, he's…forty-three. There's that." Toby said.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Toby, I can't believe you."

"Well, I'm just saying. He's not exactly a spring chicken, is he?"  
"Toby-

"Look, I just…" He shook his head. "It's a little…weird, isn't it? For you?"  
"No." said Elizabeth. "Why, just because he's a little older?"  
"Well…I don't know. I mean, are you sure…you shouldn't at least look at others? And no, I don't mean me."  
"Toby…" Elizabeth shook her head. "Why are you saying this?"  
"I don't know…isn't he…a little weird? Mr. Grey?"

"He's a lawyer. He's very respectable. No." She frowned at him. "Toby, a year ago you were saying he might be really good for me. And guess what? You were right. He is. And I'm happy."  
"So he's good for you." Toby said. "You've improved. Grown. Maybe you don't need him now."  
"Toby!" She looked at him incredulously. "What, just because he's older?"  
"Well, are you sure a guy in his forties can give you what you want out of life?" said Toby. "Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life, with someone nearly twenty years older? Maybe you should have some fun. See who else is out there."  
"No, Toby. I couldn't do that. And won't. I care for Stefan."  
"Okay." Toby said. "but in twenty years, when you're at your peak, he'll be…well, not in very good condition is all I'm saying. I mean, forty-three is okay now, but…are you going to be happy with him in fifteen or twenty years, when he's old? Fat? No longer desirable? No longer able to-

"Uh…we all will be a little older in twenty years, including yourself, Toby." Elizabeth said. She shook her head. "Besides, Stefan's not…he'll never be fat, I'm sure. He's not the type."  
"You don't know for sure if he is or not." Toby said. "Anyone might."  
"Not Stefan." Elizabeth said.

"Oh, I don't know, Elizabeth." Toby said. "You might be singing another tune in a few years. You never know. As a matter of fact, Stefan looks to me like he has that tendency."

Elizabeth snorted. "He does not. He's very slender, Toby."  
"But he just has a certain look about him. Like someone who has it in him to be fat."  
"That's ridiculous, Toby." Said Elizabeth. "You've only seen him…once or twice, when he's come in here. And…have you even spoken to him? No." Elizabeth said, shaking her head.

"I don't need to have spoken to him to observe that, Liz." Said Toby. "It's…something about the way he carries himself. I can just tell."  
Elizabeth snorted. "You're full of it, Toby."  
"No, really."

"You can tell just by observing him that he might get fat in a few years?"  
"Yeah." Toby said. "Just an…air he has about him. You can tell these things about people, Elizabeth. It's genetics. And psychology."  
"Yeah, right." Elizabeth said. "You'll go to any lengths to turn me against Stefan, won't you, Toby?"  
"No, that's not it, Elizabeth." Toby said. "But in about fifteen years, see if I'm not right. Are you sure you'll still want him then?"  
"Yes." Elizabeth said. "Of course, that's utter twaddle anyway. You can't tell that from looking at him. But even if you could, I'd still desire him. Stefan is…eminently desirable."  
Toby made a scoffing noise. "You don't want to end up like Jessie in _Gerald's Game_, do you Liz? The book about the overweight lawyer who liked to handcuff his wife to beds? Died of a heart attack while she was shackled? You want to be handcuffed to some bed, alone out in some remote cabin? It could be on the docket in a few years. He has that look…just…a kind of insecurity, almost. Gerald was insecure. In the book. I remember that."

Elizabeth bit her lip, and glanced down at the floor. She shook her head. "Well, you know Toby, I always thought that Gerald in the book was kind of…hot."  
"Really." Said Toby. "Well, that comes as a complete surprise to me, Elizabeth. I didn't know you liked that type."  
"In fact," Elizabeth looked at Toby, lolling her tongue. "If Stefan ever got fat, I'd…I'd want to have…chubby sex with him, Toby."  
"Uh huh." said Toby. "Uh…okay, Elizabeth." He shook his head. "I still think you should reconsider your relationship."  
Elizabeth shook her head. "No." she said.

"Besides, how can you be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with just one person?" said Toby. "I mean, I might not be the best person to listen to about this, with my viewpoint, and all, but I don't know. I think settling with anyone, especially this guy, could be a mistake."  
"Toby," said Elizabeth. "You know what I think? I think…you don't want me in your life as a girlfriend, but you don't want me to be happy with anyone else, either."  
"What?" said Toby. "How can you say that?"  
"Maybe," said Elizabeth. "You even wanted to get me together with Stefan, because you thought hey, I'll just get her together with this stodgy, boring, _older_ lawyer who gets on her nerves, and when she realizes what a pain he is to be around, she'll come right back to me. And so it goes. Round and round for the rest of our lives."  
"Okay," said Toby. "Where in the world does that come from?" He looked at her pointedly. "I could probably venture a guess, though."  
"Oh, you think this comes from Stefan, do you?" She bit her lip. "Well, he does think you didn't treat me right."  
"So he doesn't like me." Toby said. "I knew it."  
"You didn't know it at all. Like you said, you don't even know him." Said Elizabeth. "But the list of things and people that Stefan doesn't approve of could fill several volumes, so I wouldn't concern myself with it."  
"I think Mr. Grey is in your head now, Elizabeth." Said Toby. "You told me he likes to get inside people's heads, and screw around with them. He's in yours now, I see that. Like the alien was in Jonesy's head in _Dreamcatcher_."

"Ha." Elizabeth said.

"I think he is. He's brainwashed you against me now."  
"He has not. I could care less what he says about something if I don't agree with it." Elizabeth said. "Besides, if I were really taken over with Mr. Grey, it would sound like this." She dropped her voice to a monotone, and spoke through closed teeth. " 'Toby, could your meddling in the life of your ex girlfriend be a result of some jealousy, and rampant insecurity?'"

"No, I don't think it could, Elizabeth." Said Toby. "I think Mr. Grey is…not a person you want to be stuck with for the rest of your life. And I think that you should…not get so hung up on one person. Again."  
"I'm not hung up on Stefan, Toby." Elizabeth said. "Stefan irritates me way too much for me to ever be hung up on him."

A month earlier, Stephen had gotten his driving privileges back, and now drove himself to work every day. Elizabeth was glad, though they didn't see each other as frequently now.

"Dad," Elizabeth said one evening, as the two of them were eating dinner together at home. "What do you think about…a younger woman dating an older man?"  
"Well, if they're happy, then…" Stephen shrugged. "Why?"  
"I just…sometimes…it seems weird." She looked at him. "I'm referring to your partner, of course. Do you think we look…odd together?"  
"Oh." Stephen said. "Well, to tell you the truth, I've rarely thought about it. You two make such a good couple, that…you don't seem so far apart."  
"You mean you've never thought about…him being older?"  
"Well, of course I've thought about it once or twice, but…" He shrugged. "Who cares, really? He's still thirteen years younger than me."  
"And that's a lot." Said Elizabeth.

"Well, yeah." Stephen said. "So?"  
"So obviously, if thirteen years is, then seventeen years is…even more vast."  
"And this bothers you?" said Stephen.

"Well.." Elizabeth said. "I'm just worried people are going to think…that it screams 'daddy issues'. Not that I have them, of course." She said pointedly.

"Elizabeth." Stephen said. "Are you happy with Mr….with Stefan?"  
"Well, yeah. Even though I don't really like to admit it."  
"Why not?"  
"Because…he's…I…" She took a sip of water. "He makes me feel…feelings that are…intense. Feelings that…I'm afraid of. It..it wasn't like that with Toby."  
"Toby again." said Stephen.

"No, Dad, I…I look at Toby now, and I feel _nothing_ for him. Romantically speaking, that is." She sighed. "And I…it's like he was always talking about. Toby. The poison is there. The fear." She looked at him. "Is that…is that something that you've ever experienced? Feeling so attracted to someone that you were afraid of it?"

Stephen sighed. "Well…no, Elizabeth." He said. "I met your mother, and I was very attracted to her, and she to me…and…well, I never felt….afraid, or poisoned. And we had a very strong attraction. That is, until I ruined it all with…well you know. Crackling Rosie." He sighed. "Maybe we screwed you up really badly about this. Relationships."  
"No, Dad." Elizabeth said firmly. "This has nothing to do with you, or Mom, at all."  
"I think maybe it does, and you just don't realize it." He shook his head.

"No…because…I just…" She looked down at her hands. "I feel like…I wish…it could be easy…like it was with Toby. We could laugh together, and…I never felt so…afraid of how I felt for him. And I used to be…or think I was, anyway, really, really in love with him." She sighed. "Maybe I am really screwed up. Not because of anything at all circumstantial…but that's just…the way I am."  
Stephen put his hand on hers. "I don't think so, Elizabeth." He said. "I think that…all it goes to prove is that your feelings for Toby weren't coming from a mature place, and this is. And doing the mature thing is always a little scary."  
"I guess." She shook her head. "Maybe I'm terrible for Stefan. He doesn't need such an immature woman in his life."

"You're not immature, sweetheart." Said Stephen. "All of us wrestle with maturity from time to time. What do you think I was, all those years I was an alcoholic?"  
"Immature?" Elizabeth said.

"In part, yes." Stephen said.

She sighed. "But speaking of maturity…do you think people are going to look at us, and think we're…together for money? Or that I have daddy issues, or…do you think we're going to be met with scorn?"

"No." Stephen said. "I think it's all in your mind. But even if they did, _you_ know that they're wrong, so…what does it matter, if you're happy?"

Elizabeth sipped her water, and shrugged. "I guess you're right." She said.

"Hey." Toby said after the shop was closed the following week. "Look, I want you to know…I'm not trying to jeopardize your happiness, or anything, okay?"  
"I know, Toby." Elizabeth said. "If anything, I meant that these things would be…subconscious. You'd be unaware of them."  
"What I'm aware about," Toby said. "Is that I…just don't want to see you…make the same mistake twice. Get hung up on some guy, and get hurt all over again."  
"I'm not." Said Elizabeth.

"I just think…maybe you should…look into…seeing other people occasionally. Just so you don't make the same mistake twice."  
"No, Toby." Elizabeth said.

"You know, Amy's fiance's brother is a lawyer." Toby said. "And he's single."  
"Toby! I thought you were sorry."  
"I'm sorry I upset you." Toby said. "But…I just…I think you really choose the wrong people, Elizabeth. To be…focused on. Myself included."  
"You know, just because you say 'myself included', that doesn't give you a free pass on what you're doing." Elizabeth said.

"What am I doing, Elizabeth?"  
"Trying to break Stefan and myself up."  
"I'm trying to get you to…find someone normal. I think Stefan was a mistake." Said Toby.

"Yeah, sure. I bet this guy, this other lawyer…he'll be a 'mistake', too, if I got really serious with him."

"Elizabeth, that isn't true at all. I think you should talk to him. Just have a few drinks. He'll be at their wedding next month. Amy, what's his name?" he asked Amy, who was putting away the unsold cookies at the counter.  
"Don't get me involved, Toby." Amy said.

"Toby." Elizabeth said. "Truly, I don't think it would work out. I have…strong feelings for Stefan. What does…Amy's fiancé's brother have to recommend for him, besides being a lawyer. I've already got one of those."  
"Well, he isn't forty." Said Toby. "And he doesn't talk like a member of the walking dead. Your words, Elizabeth."  
"Yeah, Toby." Elizabeth said. "My words. So _you_ can't use them. Only I can say that about Stefan."  
"Oh, please." Toby said. "I think you'll find that your words are going to really haunt you when the bloom is off the rose, and you have to listen to nothing but monotony for the rest of your life."

"I think you should mind your own business, and also, maybe the 'bloom being off the rose' is not such a horrible thing, Toby. It happens…and then you just…live your lives together. And have someone to share things with. That's what it's all about. Of course, not that _you_ think so."  
"Maybe you should just give it a try, though." Said Toby. "See if that's really what you want, to share the rest of your life with just one person. You could talk to him about it. Mr. Grey. Tell him you want to see other people for awhile."  
Elizabeth snorted. "Toby, in the first place, I don't want to. And in the second place, Stefan would have a conniption. He sure as hell wouldn't go for that, me wanting to see other men."  
"Yeah, well." Toby said. "If I had to make an educated guess, I'd say that Stefan seems like the type that would be pretty darn controlling. I _really _don't want to see you with a guy like that, Liz."  
"Well, I'm not going to let him be controlling, Toby." Elizabeth said. "Believe me when I say, I know how to handle Stefan."  
"You think you do." said Toby. "But when you've been with him awhile, a controlling person will _really_…" He shook his head. "I swear, Liz, you were better off…"  
"I was better off _what_, Toby?" Elizabeth said, looking at him challengingly.

"You were better off…when you were hiding outside my house. I know you used to do it."  
"You were cheating on me!"  
"Well, it seems you always go for the wrong guy, doesn't it?"  
"Not always. Just continue to say whatever you want, Toby, as long as you put yourself down, too. I think Stefan was right about you. You'll pretend to be so nice, and sweet, and tell me what I want to hear, but you don't care a thing about me."

"Oh, Stefan was right about me, huh?" Toby said. "Stefan is probably right about everything to you. He's taken over. Taken my place, but he's much more dangerous."  
"That's ridiculous." Elizabeth said. "I've found someone I can be happy with. Who you initially wanted me with, by the way. Why won't you let me enjoy it, and be happy?"  
"He makes you happy?" Toby said. "That…that monotonous, imperious, middle-aged creep?"  
"Yeah." Said Elizabeth. "You hit the nail on the head, Toby. He is. He's a monotonous, imperious…autocrat."  
"Yeah?" Toby said. "Well-

"He's a monotonous, imperious, autocrat…with a _huge_-

"Okay, that's enough." Toby said irritably. Amy snorted laughter, from her position on the counter. Toby glanced at her, rolling his eyes.

"Well, he sure does not look like he does, Elizabeth." Toby said.

"Well, he does, Toby." Elizabeth said.

"Uh huh. Well-

"And you don't know what a relationship is. So stop trying to break the two of us up." Elizabeth said. "Not with Amy's fiancé's brother, or anyone." She looked at him. "I'm really disappointed with you."

Toby just shrugged, and shook his head, looking nonplussed. "Whatever you want." he said. "It's your life. I'm just trying to help."  
"Stefan says that, too." Elizabeth said.

"Does he?" said Toby.

"Yeah. Yeah, he does." said Elizabeth. She picked up her purse from a nearby table, turning to look at him. "The only difference is, he means it." 


	7. Chapter 7

"You've been distant lately, Elizabeth." said Stefan one evening a few weeks later, as they were watching television. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"Have I?" Elizabeth said. "I don't think I have."  
"I think you have." said Stefan. "Is there something on your mind?"  
"No." Elizabeth said. She looked at the TV. "Do you mind? I'm trying to watch _Misery_."

"I think we watch too much TV." said Stefan. "We're not communicating enough."

"I thought you liked watching TV." Elizabeth said. "Who makes you?" She shook her head in irritation.

"Well, I don't want to now." said Stefan. He took the remote, and switched the TV off.

"Hey!" Elizabeth said, annoyed. She rolled her eyes. "Here we go."  
"Oh, is my company that disagreeable to you?" said Stefan.

"Yes." Elizabeth said.

"Sure it is." said Stefan.

"Is this how it's going to be?" said Elizabeth. "All the time? You just switching off the TV abruptly, whenever _you_ want to have a conversation?"  
"Maybe." said Stefan. "What's wrong with conversation?"  
"Nothing's wrong with conversation." Elizabeth said. "The thing that's wrong is _you_ bossing me."  
"You've got a real thing about that, don't you?" Stefan said.

"Only with you." said Elizabeth.

"I find that hard to believe." said Stefan. "But in any case, it's completely unfounded. I don't want to boss you. Unless it's to make you do the right thing. I think you need…guidance."  
Elizabeth snorted. "_Guidance_?" She looked at him, glowering.

"Just a joke, Elizabeth."  
"Oh, I don't think it was." said Elizabeth. "I think that you're perfectly happy to try to control me."  
"Not at all, Elizabeth." Said Stefan. "But in any case, you're not going to let me, are you?" He put his hand on her chest. She looked at him.

"What's that hand doing there?" said Elizabeth, taking his hand off pointedly.

"You know, Elizabeth," Stefan said, putting his hand back on. "Did I ever tell you that your breasts are very…pear shaped?" He leaned closer to her.

"Not lately." Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes.

"And not the hard green ones either." he said. "The juicy kind, the kind you get in the box from Harry &amp; David."  
Elizabeth swallowed, fidgeting. "I…"  
"Your cheeks get all flushed, Elizabeth." said Stefan, tracing her cheeks with his finger. "Did you know that?"  
Elizabeth shook her head in indignation, thinking of how he'd said she needed guidance. "Please." She said. "Is this how it's going to be, every time, I try to question anything you do? You're going to try to sex me up, and then I'm going to forget everything about you that annoys me? Like how your controllingness will-

"You know, you're trembling, Elizabeth." Stefan said.

"With anger, Stefan."  
"I think not." Said Stefan. "Do I make you have that reaction?" He cupped her face in his hands. "But in any case, if I was doing what you described, I'd have to be a liar, wouldn't I?"  
"I…guess." Elizabeth said flatly.

"It just so happens that…sexing you up, as you put it, was…what I was already planning to do anyway. The timing was coincidental, I assure you." He placed his hand on her chest, looking at her. "I think you're already pretty sexed up, or you wouldn't have this reaction. That's probably why you're so worried about me bossing you. I have such a powerful effect on you, that you're afraid you might do anything I say, and you're afraid to let yourself. You are a _very_ willful young woman, after all." He traced her throat. "We'll have to do something about that, won't we?"  
"Oh, for Pete's sake." She said, moving away.

"What do you think we should do about it, Elizabeth?" Stefan moved closer, and put his hand on her thigh. "I've never met someone more…afraid of herself."  
Elizabeth made a noise of indignation. "Please. Hands _off_ me, throat cancer." She swatted his hand off of her leg.  
Stefan looked at her incredulously. She bit her lip.

"_Throat cancer_?" he said, in a tone of disbelief. He shook his head, and looked back at her in bewilderment.

Elizabeth laughed nervously. "Well, you see, I-I was just…"  
"I…" He frowned at her questioningly, squinting at her. "Throat cancer?"

"I just meant you have a rather…er…low-register-

"Throat cancer." Stefan repeated. He looked at her.

"I was just…I just don't like to be bossed, and I thought you were trying to…control me, and I just want to let you know, I'm not a woman to be controlled, and…" She trailed off, noticing Stefan staring fixedly at her as she was talking. "I…"  
"Elizabeth," Stefan said, moving closer to her. He placed his hand on her cheekbone. "I don't think you have to worry about me trying to change you….I think that nothing I could say or do could change the fact that you are and always will be a…_cheeky_ woman." He bit his lip, looking at her.

"I…darn right." Elizabeth said.

"I just think…" He stroked her other cheek. "that I have a powerful…sexual hold over you, that you're…afraid to let yourself embrace."  
"Oh lord. Here we go." Said Elizabeth.

"And," Stefan continued. "I can see this, since every time I…say anything…sexual to you, you…_squeak_."  
"I do?" Elizabeth said.

"Yes." Said Stefan. "You always make a little…squeaking noise…in your throat." He gave her a sidelong glance.

Elizabeth sighed, shaking her head. "Uh huh."  
"It's very, sexy, but…" Stefan trailed off, biting his lip. "I think you're afraid. Of your own sexual desires."  
"Please." Elizabeth said.

"You are. And…I think." He looked at her, smiling. "I think, in fact, you may even be a little nuts."  
"Takes one to know one, Stefan." Said Elizabeth.

"Yes, well." said Stefan. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I simply think, Elizabeth, that…you…squeak whenever you feel turned on, because you're a bit…nuts, and so you cover up how aroused you are by me by being…cheeky." He raised an eyebrow at her.

Elizabeth looked at him, realization dawning in her eyes. "You son of a-

"Throat cancer." Stefan repeated with conviction, sitting back against the couch cushions.

"Oh, so you're calling me a squirrel, huh?" Elizabeth said.

"Oh, so you're referring to me as 'throat cancer', huh?" said Stefan. He looked at her."More of a chipmunk, really."  
"Very mature of you, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "The height of wit. Insulting someone's appearance. I hope you're pleased with yourself."  
"Oh, I am. But truly, I've always found chipmunks to be rather endearing, Elizabeth."  
"You've got some nerve, you know that?" Elizabeth said. "Calling me a chipmunk."  
"A beautiful chipmunk." Stefan looked at her.

Elizabeth started to laugh, in spite of her indignation, but shook her head. "And you're a very sexy throat cancer patient, Stefan."

"Well, thank you, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "I'm glad to hear such kind words. Keep in mind though, I'm allergic to nuts, so you might want to store them some place where I'm not around."  
"Okay then. I will. In fact, I'll store them some place entirely far away from you. I'm leaving." She started to get up.

"Are you really, Elizabeth?" Stefan said.

Elizabeth bit her lip. "No." she said.

"I thought not." Said Stefan.

"But you better not call me a chipmunk again." Elizabeth said.

"If you never say I sound like I have throat cancer again. I feel it was said with malicious intent, too…much more malicious than my comment was. You are, after all, a very angry young lady, and I'm not even sure if you know who, or what, you're angry at."

"Sounds like a lot of b.s. to cover up the fact that you called me a chipmunk." Elizabeth.

"Not at all, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "I mean what I say." He looked at her. "Just like I mean what I say when I say that, you don't resemble a chipmunk, but if you did, you'd be the most beautiful, and sexiest…blue-eyed chipmunk I'd ever seen." He stroked her cheek.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, but was unable to stop herself from swallowing, hoping it didn't make a squeaking sound when she did.

"Stefan?" Elizabeth said in bed, later that evening.

"Hmmm?" Stefan said.

"Have you ever been married?"  
"No." Stefan said, turning to face her. "I was engaged once. To an artist. Cynthia."  
"Cynthia." Said Elizabeth. "Was she beautiful?"  
"She was…if you like unibrows." Said Stefan.

Elizabeth laughed.

"And gapped teeth."  
"At least she wasn't a _chipmunk_, huh?" Elizabeth said angrily.

"I adore chipmunks." Stefan said. "You know that, don't you Elizabeth."  
"What happened?" Elizabeth said. "Did you make fun of her looks, too? Buy her a pair of tweezers or something?"

"I never had the occasion to." said Stefan. "She never mocked me the way you do."  
"Oh, unfavorable comparisons, huh?"  
"Not at all. She was….spirited like you…but she was rather…whorish, I'd say."  
"How did you meet her?" Elizabeth said.

"Through a lawyer friend of mine. John. He introduced me to her at a party at our firm."  
"Oh." said Elizabeth. "Did you love her?"  
"I did. I thought we had something." Said Stefan. "A rapport. Kind of like you and I…but not nearly as strong."  
"But…"  
"But," said Stefan. "It turned out she and John were seeing each other every day behind my back. One time, they even did it in my apartment."  
"How did you find out?" Elizabeth said.

"Well, we were over at John's house for dinner one evening, and I went to use the bathroom. And I found…one of her earrings there. A pearl earring, one of a set she always wore."  
"Wow." Elizabeth said.

"I never spoke to either of them again after I confronted them with it." Said Stefan. "Needless to say. He was a liar, John. One of the worst kind."

"Sounds like it." Elizabeth said. "Hurt a lot, I bet. What they did."  
"Of course." Said Stefan.

"Any other serious relationships?"  
"Not serious, but…" He trailed off. "In high school, I had this girlfriend. Bennie. Bennie Hansen."  
"And what was she like?"  
"Oh, she was like the kind of girl I always dated back then. Blonde. Flashy. Spoiled, and a bit catty."  
"So…if she was like all the others…what made her special? That you mentioned her to me, out of a…vast selection?"  
"Oh, nothing, back then, really. She and I only did one thing really well, and the rest of the time we had nothing to talk about. We went to our prom together, and spent most of it…trashed, and upstairs in the hotel where the prom was being held." He shook his head. "But that was then. Later, when I was a few years out of law school, I ran into her."  
"Had she changed?"  
"Yes, actually. Quite a bit. As had I." He took her hand, and placed it against his chest. Elizabeth looked up at him questioningly. "What happened?"  
"Well, Bennie said that she was in town, visiting relatives. So we had lunch, and we…talked about our lives, she said she was a teacher now, science, and I said I wasn't surprised, she was always very smart. I remember she was taking advanced calculus classes when we were in school together." Said Stefan. "And I was surprised that I remembered that, because I spent most of my high school career completely wasted. Not to mention self-absorbed. That led me to mention how I had changed, and was considerably less self-absorbed now. She said she could tell. We talked about how we both had made a lot of decisions that we regretted in the past, though Bennie a great deal less so than myself."  
"So…did you two…start dating again?"  
"I very much wanted to date her, yes." Said Stefan. "She was…she seemed very charming. Thoughtful. Quiet. Introspective. And she was very, very beautiful. We were in our late twenties by then, and in high school, she had been an attractive girl, but…nothing like she was when I saw her. She looked a bit like Kim Basinger."  
"Oh, Kim Basinger, huh?" said Elizabeth. "I don't see how a chipmunk can compete with Kim Basinger."  
"Quiet." Said Stefan. "Even Kim Basinger's features could likely be picked apart, if you analyzed them enough. And you are," he said, turning his face towards her. "a beautiful woman. You know that."  
"I guess." Said Elizabeth. "So the Kim Basinger look-alike. What happened with her?"  
"Well, we had lunch, and then dinner later that evening. And…we had an enjoyable time together. We laughed a lot, and talked for several hours."  
"Did you have sex?"  
"We wound up spending the night together, yes." said Stefan. "We wound up spending several nights together that weekend in fact. And we did more than just have sex. We…talked. I thought that we had a very strong connection."  
"Did she…break up with you later?"  
"Well, I never saw her again in person, after that weekend." Stefan said.

"Why?" said Elizabeth. "She just leave, and never call you again?"  
"Well, yes, as a matter of fact, but worse than that…" He looked at her. "When it was time for her to go home, we exchanged phone numbers, and parted ways. I thought things had gone very well, and in fact felt truly positive about things for the first time in…well, a very long time. If ever. So I called her a couple of weeks later."  
"What did she say to you?"  
"She didn't say anything to me." Stefan said. He looked up at the ceiling. "She didn't say anything to me, because the number she had given me was the number of a local restaurant in San Francisco, where she had moved."  
"Oh." Elizabeth said. "Wow. Well-

"But that's not even the punch line." Stefan said, turning to look at her.

"What happened?"  
He shook his head.

"Stefan?" Elizabeth said. "What happened?"

"Well…" Stefan said. He sighed. "I was naturally very upset about this, but I figured that since we'd had such a positive reunion, and she'd seemed so gracious, and receptive to me, that perhaps…she'd given me the number by mistake. So I called her mother. I told her it was Stefan Grey, Bennie's old friend from high school, and I was just checking to see how she was. And Mrs. Hansen was quite friendly. Chatty, even. I learned that Bennie was, in fact, married to a man she'd met in college. A teacher. They taught at the same high school, she said. So. That was why she'd given me the number of the restaurant. And it was a seafood restaurant, too. I remember that, because I'm allergic to shellfish, and I couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't some…cruel joke on her part."  
"Oh, Stefan." Elizabeth shook her head. "What a royal bitch. Well-

"That's the thing, Elizabeth." Stefan said abruptly. "Bennie used to be a bitch. In high school."  
"And still was, from the sound of it." Elizabeth said.

"No." Stefan shook his head. "No, when I saw her again, she was the sweetest woman you'd ever want to know. Shy, even. So, I got Bennie's actual number from her mother, and…called it. I wanted an explanation."  
"What did she have to say for herself?"  
"Well, when I called, she sounded panicked. She told me…that she would ordinarily never commit adultery, but…she just lost track of what she was doing that week. One thing led to another, she said. It was a mistake, she said." He made a noise of incredulity. "I asked why she did it. She said her husband was sick that weekend, and couldn't make it, and that she'd had a big fight with him. She said that though she regretted it, in the moment, it was…kind of thrilling. Deceiving him. Deceiving everyone, her parents, brother, relatives she was seeing that weekend. I asked why she'd lied to me, and made me a party to her adultery. She laughed, and said 'Steff. Does it really matter to you? Back in school, cheating was nothing to you. Why do you care so much now?'"  
"She's a sociopath." Said Elizabeth.

"She then begged me not to tell her husband. She said that he was a very good man, who was good to her, and that if ever found out what we did, it would destroy him. I said I wouldn't. Partly because…" He shook his head.

"Because why?"  
"Because…her mother had been so friendly to me on the phone, and…she hadn't liked me when I was dating her daughter in high school. In fact, a lot of mothers didn't like me." He shook his head. "I knew that Bennie would tell everyone that I had known that she was married, and had seduced her, coerced her into it, if I told. It would be her word against mine. And everyone who had known me back in high school would have no trouble believing that I would sleep with a married woman, and wreck her home. Including Bennie's mother. So I said nothing."  
"Oh, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "That isn't…you shouldn't have…."  
"So, I said goodbye to her. We never spoke to each other again. Needless to say." He said. He shook his head. "I think…that hurt even more than what Cynthia did. In some way."  
"Why?" Elizabeth said.

"Well, Cynthia's cheating with John was…commonplace. A commonplace deception." Said Stefan. "But Bennie knowingly…used me to get back at her husband, who she was temporarily angrily at…and I think…she thought that if she cheated with me, it would be….more acceptable. After all, what's one more black mark on my record, right? I was nothing to her but a way to make herself feel…wicked, I suppose. Excited. To feel like she was…escaping from her 'nice' little life as a teacher, and a wife, by doing something forbidden, with some ex she used to get drunk and have cheap sex with. I don't think she expected me to call her again, either."

"So…she was using you." Elizabeth said. "And being used like that made you feel…cheap? Devalued? Skanky?" She looked at him.

"That's…a way of putting it." Stefan said.

Elizabeth shook her head. "I really don't like her. Bennie. I've never even met her, and I want to ring her doorbell, and punch her in the face."  
"Really." Said Stefan. He looked at her. "I see you're eager to get back at these people who've wronged me." He bit his lip. "It certainly makes me feel a lot better about things." He hugged her.

"I want it to, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "You're a great guy, and yet you've been treated like crap by all these women. People. Your stepfather. Blane. John. I…_I _would never treat you like that." She looked at him. "You know that, don't you?"  
"I do." Said Stefan. "And…I've opened…myself to you in a way that I…wouldn't have before. I don't know why. Well, actually, I do. I think you and I have a…connection, that I've never had with anyone before. Not Cynthia. Not Bennie." He looked at her. "I guess that's why you tremble whenever I become…intimate with you." He swallowed. "I think you don't know…the thing is that…whenever you tremble, and…squeak…"  
"It makes you sound like you're having an even worse bout of throat cancer?" Elizabeth said, still thinking about the 'chipmunk' remarks.

"Such a sweet woman. What did I do to deserve you?"  
"But it does." Said Elizabeth.

"Maybe it does." Said Stefan. "But it does because…I can't believe that…a woman…well, not just any woman, you, in particular, would have such a reaction. To me. And every time you do, and every time you tell me how…how you think I'm someone you like, and admire, and who's company you enjoy…who's…worthy…I just…you can't know how it makes me feel. You just can't."  
"Does it make you afraid?" Elizabeth said. "How you feel?"  
"Not at all." said Stefan. "I welcome it."  
Elizabeth swallowed again. "Well, I…do, too." She said. She took a deep breath, swallowing again. "Stefan, I-

"There it is right now." said Stefan. He kissed her lips gently, then looked at her. There was tenderness in his eyes, but the thought invaded Elizabeth's mind that, as usual, his mouth was puckered like he'd swallowed some very bitter medicine. That had made him very drowsy. She bit her lip, shaking that thought off.

He kissed her throat gently, and she swallowed, fidgeting even more when she realized that her reactions were exciting him.

"Stefan…" She said while he was distracted. "Stefan, I…my father wants to get a new car, now that he can drive again. He wants me to go with him to Joliet this Sunday to help him pick one out. There's a car lot he's heard about there…he thinks he can get a better deal." She looked at him. "Stefan?"  
"Uh huh." he said.

"He wants me to go with him this Sunday." said Elizabeth, looking at him.

"You already said that, Elizabeth." Stefan said.

"Did I?" said Elizabeth. "Anyway, just thought you should know."  
Stefan ran his hand down her arm. "You're trembling, Elizabeth." He noted.

"Am I?" Elizabeth said.

"More so than usual." He studied her. "Are you going to squeak?"  
"Are you going to sound like an anti-smoking PSA? More so than usual, I mean?"  
"Probably." Stefan said. "That depends on how good you are, now, doesn't it?"

Elizabeth had told him that she was going to drive out of town to buy a car with her father the following Sunday, when, in reality, she was attending Amy, her friend and coworker's, wedding. It was a backyard wedding, and there were not that many people there. Elizabeth was on her way to the bathroom, inside the house, which belonged to Amy's parents, when she ran into Amy.

"Hey." Elizabeth said. "Congratulations."  
"Thanks." Amy said. "Yeah, we're going to live here for awhile, Neal and I. In the pool house. Did you see it?"  
"No." said Elizabeth.

"Well, my parents fixed it up pretty nice. Just until we can get our own apartment, of course."  
"Of course." Said Elizabeth. "Yeah." She looked down,

"Are you okay?" Amy asked her.

Elizabeth shrugged. "I guess. I don't know."  
"You came alone?" Amy said.

"Yeah." Elizabeth said.

"Where's your…you know? The lawyer?"  
"Stefan is…I didn't ask him to come."  
"Why not?"  
"I don't know. I…he doesn't do too well, with…social interaction."  
"Oh come on." Said Amy. "That's ridiculous. He's a lawyer."  
"Yeah, well." Said Elizabeth. "He's a lawyer who doesn't do too well with social interaction. Or like to be around people all that much. Except…"  
"Except you?" Amy said.

Elizabeth sighed. She shook her head, looking gloomy.

"That's why you didn't invite him?" said Amy. "Because he doesn't like social interaction? Because neither does Neal, you know." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I practically had to beg him not to make our wedding a Vegas wedding. You have to make them do these things."  
"Yes, well…it's not just that. I feel like…he's…more than I can handle. I just…can't deal with the intensity of him, you know?" She shook her head, swallowing. "I don't know."  
"Intensity can be pretty cool." Said Amy. "Don't you think?"  
"Yeah, but…I'm going to hurt him." Elizabeth said. "Maybe I want to get out, before I can hurt him. He's been hurt enough already."

"So you're going to solve the problem of not hurting him by breaking up with him?" Amy said. "I don't know, Elizabeth…that sounds like a pretty flimsy excuse to me."  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "To do what, Amy?"  
"I don't know…to run from your problems? I mean, you said the only reason you want to break up with him is because he's too intense."  
"Yeah…"  
"So you didn't bring him with you because you were planning to like…never see him again?"

"I don't know about never. But I'm feeling…overwhelmed. I don't know if I can handle all he…wants from me." Said Elizabeth. "And…I don't know…do you think people can tell he's older than me?"  
"Elizabeth. Nobody cares about stuff like that." Amy said. "Don't tell me _that's _why you didn't bring him."  
"I don't know." Elizabeth said, pressing her fingers to her temples. "I really don't know _what's _wrong with me."

"Well," Amy said, shrugging her shoulders. "You'll figure it out. Want to see the pool house?"

Elizabeth sighed. "Sure." she said.

Awhile later, Elizabeth was sitting at a table, looking off into the distance, when Toby sat down next to her.

"Hey." he said. "Where's the funeral?"  
Elizabeth cut a glance at him, and sniffed, shaking her head. She moved a fork on the table around disconsolately.

"Speaking of funerals," Toby said. "I happened to notice that there aren't any…embalmed people around. What happened?"  
"He's not dead, Toby." Elizabeth said. "Just…heavily sedated."  
"Well, why isn't he here, being heavily sedated, then?"  
"I don't know." Elizabeth said. "Because…I'm not very bright."

"Oh, come on." said Toby. "You are."  
"I…I just don't even…know who I am any more." Elizabeth said. "I'm not sure who I _ever _was."  
"I guess…" said Toby. "that you most definitely don't want to meet Amy's brother-in-law, then?"  
"I met him." Elizabeth said.

"And…?"  
"He's a nice guy. He's okay." Elizabeth said. "But he's not Stefan."  
"Yeah." Toby said. "I'm pretty sure he's still alive."  
"Well, I always thought the world would be a better place if there were more dead lawyers." Elizabeth said. "But Stefan proves that dead lawyers can still be walking around, practicing law." Elizabeth said, and burst into tears.

Toby cleared his throat. "Elizabeth…" He looked at her. "Are you okay?" He sighed. "Maybe it's my fault. Look, I don't really care if you and Stefan want to have some weird, May-December, uh…arrangement. I just…hate to see you with some…unworthy candidate, that's all. I didn't want to push you into-

"Toby," Elizabeth said, blinking at him in irritation. "I don't need your blessing."

"Okay." Toby said.

"And that was the most…backhanded apology I've ever heard."  
"Okay. I'm…sorry, okay?" Toby said. "I'm just…sorry, then."

"I think you have some serious issues to work out." She said.

"Maybe you're right." said Toby.

"But then…who among us doesn't?" said Elizabeth. She looked at him. "Myself included."


	8. Chapter 8

Later that evening, Elizabeth let herself into Stefan's apartment with a key that she had. She stepped inside, noticing that all the lights were off. She flicked one of the light switches. It wouldn't come on.

"Huh." She said. She walked into the living room.

"Stefan?" she said. She walked into the kitchen, and spotted him, sitting at the kitchen table.

"Stefan." She said. "What's going on? Why are you here in the dark?"  
"The power went off in the building, Elizabeth." Said Stefan. "Downed power line."  
"Oh." Elizabeth said. She held out a takeout box to him. "I brought you a…dinner. It…it doesn't have any…nuts, or shellfish, or tomato products." She looked around the room worriedly. "How…long have you been in here?"  
"Why don't you put that box over there on the counter, Elizabeth?" said Stefan. "I'm just not very hungry, right now."  
"Oh. Okay." Elizabeth said. She walked over to the counter, setting it down.

"So. How was the wedding?" Stefan said. Even in the dark, she could feel his eyes on her, in a penetrating gaze.

"Damn it." Elizabeth said. She shook her head. "I might have known." She said. She walked over to him, hands on hips. "How did you find out?"  
"Oh, I called your father, of course. I told him that the film version of _Dreamcatcher _came on TV tonight, and that you might want to see it with me, since I know how much it tickles you to compare me to the malevolent alien character. Or at least that was what we could have done, if the power wasn't out. He told me that he does, in fact, plan to buy a car, but will be going _next_ week, and truly, has no need of your support making deals at car lots, he is, after all, an attorney, but also of course, he feels that he should be doing more things on his own at this point, as grateful as he is for all your help." said Stefan. "I of course asked him, if you weren't with him, where exactly he believed you were, and he said not to worry, you were at your coworker's wedding."  
Elizabeth sighed. "I might have known something like this would happen. In fact, I should have been counting on it, with you."  
"So. I was alone here. In the dark, of course. I'm afraid of the dark. I don't suppose I ever told you that. I get…night terrors, sometimes. And you weren't here. Oh well."  
Elizabeth swallowed, but then shook her head. "You know, maybe you should see a doctor, because that condition of _yours_ could get a whole lot worse."  
"Night terrors?"  
"That, and being a intrusive, browbeating prick." She sat down in the chair across from him.

" 'Intrusive'? You lied to me, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "You picked the wrong person to screw over, I'll tell you that."  
"Screw over. Please." Elizabeth said.

"So. Since you lied to me, I'm only going to assume that you were at the aforementioned wedding with someone else. Toby?"  
Elizabeth shook her head. "No. Not Toby. I'm not interested in him anymore." She shook her head. "In fact, I'm not even sure I like him at all now, as anything."  
"Someone else then." Stefan said.

"No." Elizabeth said. "There's no one else."  
"Please." Stefan said scornfully.

"There isn't anyone else." Elizabeth said. "Sometimes I…I wish there was someone else. But there isn't. Only you."  
"You wish there was someone else." Stefan repeated flatly. "Why?"  
Elizabeth sighed. "Because…I…I tremble, and turn red, and…squeak, when you're around. And that scares me." She swallowed hard. "Because…because I'm more like Toby than I care to admit. Afraid to feel. Or maybe I'm afraid to feel anything for anyone other than Toby, I don't know. But I do."

"What kind of nonsense is this, Elizabeth?" Stefan said. "Do you really think I'd fall for this…garbage? What on earth are you talking about?"

"I'm afraid." Said Elizabeth.

"Of me."  
"Of how…you make me feel, Stefan." Said Elizabeth. "I've never…felt about anyone the way I do about you. I mean, I…I was rolling my eyes at you since before I met you, that's how much you annoy me. You think you've got a world of knowledge I don't have, you're always correcting me, you sound like Jeff Goldblum on quaaludes, and-

"It so happens, I have a very attractive voice, Elizabeth." Stefan said.

"For a coma patient with lung cancer." Elizabeth said.

"All right, that's _enough_." Stefan said, affronted. "You know, I now realize your 'condition' is ten times worse than Andie's ever was. At least she never said anything like _that_ to me."

"Oh, it's a joke." said Elizabeth. "You should know I don't mean it. Well, maybe not the lung cancer part. I think we can keep the coma patient part."

"I'm touched." Stefan said sarcastically.

"I thought you'd be." Elizabeth said.

Stefan shook his head. "Well, no." he said. "As it happens, I'm not, especially because…well, because I _do_ have an attractive voice. Cynthia thought so. And Bennie. As did many women I've dated. As do you. You think so as well. But you are just _so_…neurotic-

"This from the guy who hates himself so much, he can't even stand to be called by his own first name?"  
"You are just so neurotic," Stefan repeated. "That you can't even stand to admit that my voice turns you on. Or anything about me turns you on, most of the time." He glanced at her, and then shook his head. "That's why, when I touch you, you fling my hand away, and tell me I sound like I have throat cancer."  
Elizabeth sniffed. "Stefan-

"But it doesn't matter anyway. I'm not the one you really want. I never was. That was always Toby, wasn't it? I'm your second choice."  
"No, you're not." Elizabeth said, placing his hand on hers.

Stefan drew his hand away. "I am. You had to be dragged into having anything to do with me. You had to be dragged by me. By your father." He gave a short bark of laughter. "You even had to be dragged by Toby."  
Elizabeth bit her lip. "I was a different person back then, Stefan. I had to be dragged, but I came to my senses." She moved her chair closer. "I came to you of my own volition, after I came to my senses, and I…want you now. I care about you. I have feelings for you…like I've never had for anyone else in my whole…life. Even Toby. I-

"Even Toby?" Stefan said. He frowned deeply, swallowing hard, and in the dim light that the streetlamp in the kitchen window provided, she could see him staring in her eyes, looking angry. "You…have stronger feelings for me than you ever did for Toby? That's what you're purporting to tell me?"  
"No, that's what I _am_ telling you." Elizabeth said. "Not 'purporting'. I never wanted anybody…like I want you. The feelings that I once had for Toby don't even come close to the ones I have for you, Stefan."  
"You're trying to tell me that…you…you have more feeling for me than you do than the man that you…waited for for years, that you tolerated…cheating, and lying, and wouldn't stop loving, even when he told you in no uncertain terms that he didn't want to be with you?"  
"That wasn't love." Elizabeth said. "That was childish stubbornness. That was refusal to accept the truth. But yes. I have more feeling for you than I ever did for him." She gazed at him, refusing to look away.

"Don't tell me that, Elizabeth." Stefan said, swallowing. He looked at her, his mouth turned down, shaking his head sadly.

"Why not?" Elizabeth said.

"Because it isn't true. It-

"It is true." Elizabeth said. "It is."  
"No, it's a lie." Stefan said. "You lied to me once already."  
"It's not a-

"Let me tell you something, Elizabeth." Stefan said quietly. "I…was here, tonight, in the dark…and when I found out…that you had lied to me, I assumed that you were with someone else, though your father said he doubted it, when I spoke with him. And maybe you weren't. It doesn't really matter, though. You lied to me, and you clearly…your neglecting to tell me about this wedding, or want me with you….indicates that…you don't want me in your life. You should have said so. Instead of lying."  
"I do want-

"But that doesn't matter." said Stefan. "The moment I found out that you lied to me, I had already come to the conclusion that…that you simply aren't the person I thought you were. And the person I thought you were was very flawed. But…" He shook his head. "I've already…I already have…come to the rightful conclusion about you. You're a liar."  
"I am not. There's no such thing as a person who never-

"And," said Stefan, looking at her pointedly. "It would…it would be best if you didn't say to me that you…want me more than you ever did Toby."  
"Why not, Stefan?" said Elizabeth quietly, looking at him.

"Because it's a lie. Because you don't mean it." Stefan said. He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. "And I'll believe you. I would believe you. I would…I want in the worst way to believe, that, Elizabeth, but…" He shook his head. "If you tell me that, and it's a lie, I just…couldn't take it. It would kill me, if it wasn't true." His voice dropped so that she could barely understand him. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, Stefan." She said. She put his hand against her heart. "I do mean it." She said. "I really do."

He drew it away. "No." he said.

She moved her chair closer. "Stefan, I'm sorry." She said. She took his hand, and this time, he did not move it away.

"You know, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "I…every time you…look at me in the way you do, or tremble when I touch you…it's… You once told me that you thought I was so handsome, you could cry. And I…it obviously took a lot of…courage for you to say that. For _you_ to. As dead set as you were against having anything to do with anyone but Toby. So I knew…that you must have meant it. And I was never so…I was…" He shook his head.

Elizabeth gazed at him. "You were never so what, Stefan?"  
"Grateful." Stefan said. "I was never so grateful. And I'm…I'm always grateful when I'm around you. When you act jealous when I tell you about Andie, or Bennie, or Cynthia, or anyone else. For just a touch from you...and I'm not talking about the overtly sexual ones. I'm talking about...about the ones like the one you made just a second ago. Or right now." He squeezed her hand. "My mother was never a terribly affectionate woman in my childhood, or any other time, and as a result of that, I've longed for...It'd sicken you to know how much I appreciate _any_ affection from you whatsoever, in fact."

Elizabeth caressed his hand. "Oh, Stefan." she said softly.

Stefan looked at her. seriously "And I didn't...think, Elizabeth that...whenever you're with me, part of me thinks that...you don't truly, in your heart of hearts, want to be there. But you are. And I'm always afraid, Elizabeth, that when you leave, you're..." He shook his head. "That you're not ever going to come back. That...that Toby will somehow convince you he wants you back, and you'll go back to him." He swallowed. "Of course, it'd be a lie, because he's a consummate liar, with no capacity for caring about you or anyone, and he'd find some excuse to turn you loose again. But for the moment you'd be convinced."

Elizabeth made a small noise of dismay, squeezing her eyes shut, because though it was in no way true that she'd ever wanted to go back to Toby at any time while she was with Stefan, she had in fact, been almost convinced, in part due to things Toby had said, that maybe their relationship couldn't work. She kept silent, however, and continued to sit there with her hands over his.

"But then..." said Stefan softly. "it doesn't happen. You always keep coming back. And I'm always...so grateful for that, too."

Elizabeth bit her lip. "Well-

"And you're right." Stefan said. "I've never…I've never been comfortable with myself. Part of me thinks that I…that no matter how…" He shook his head, his eyes filling with despair.

"Stefan?" Elizabeth said. She moved her chair next to his and put her arm around him. "What is it?"  
"When I was…in high school." Stefan said in such a low voice, that Elizabeth had to listen closely to hear. "I was at our senior prom. And Blane…had been broken up with his girlfriend, as a result of my…input. And I came up to him, and laughed about it, because…well, I was a self-centered, spiteful creep-

"But you're not now." Elizabeth interrupted.

"And," Stefan continued. "He told me that the reason Andie never liked me was because she thought I was shit. And he said that, deep down, I knew that she was right. And I did. And I think that pretty well sums up how I've always felt about myself. I'm a lawyer now, a first-rate one. And one who has a good relationship with the people I work with. And tries to have a good relationship with every person I encounter, in fact. And to not be…to not be a liar. To be a truthful person. But even though I know I'm not the same person I was when I was young, part of me will always feel…as though I have no value as a person. Even though I know I do."  
"I see." said Elizabeth.

"But you tell me that I have tremendous value as a person, and that people don't appreciate me enough, and that I have so much…inside, to offer you." said Stefan. "And no one…in my life…has made me feel good about myself in the way that you do, Elizabeth. Ever."

"Good." Elizabeth said.

"Good?" Stefan said. "No, Elizabeth. It's not good. Because…you call me a…a corpse, and a stiff, and dull, and all of that, and it's all a big joke, but the opposite is true. Inside, I'm...I figured that tonight, I'd come to the conclusion that you don't care for me, are willing to lie to me, and would rather I not be a part of your life. And I just…you don't know how devastated I would be, if that were true. Of course, the lights would come back on, most likely, and I would go to bed, and get up, and go to work, same as ever. But…I wouldn't be the same inside. You would just be one more woman I loved that disappointed me, but you would also be more."  
"Why?" Elizabeth said.

"Because…" He sighed, and shook his head. "Blane said to me that-

"Oh, Stefan." Elizabeth shook her head. "Listen. I think you take yourself _way_ too seriously. Like the thing about Bennie and the seafood place. I don't think she deliberately gave you the number of a seafood place, just to screw with you. That had nothing to do with anything. She gave you the wrong number because she was an adulterous, sociopathic whore."

"Well, that may be." Said Stefan. "But the other I said about her was true. She thought nothing of using me to get back at her husband, because she thinks I'm…morally bankrupt, anyway."  
"You know what, Stefan?" Elizabeth said. "I think…you really give off signals to others that you feel this way about yourself, that you're just not…worthy, when of course the opposite is true, and they pick up on them." She hesitated. "I think you might…carry yourself a certain way, I mean…besides being…introverted. That suggests that you don't like yourself. That…you're uncomfortable, maybe because of your stepfather treating you the way he did, or…" She shrugged helplessly. "You can tell these things about…about people. Sometimes." she said quietly. "It's psychological."  
"Yes, well." Stefan said. "You interrupted me. I was going to say about Blane-

"Blane again?"  
"Yes." Said Stefan. "What Blane said to me at our prom. It hurt me very deeply."  
"No kidding." Elizabeth said. "You're right. He was a hateful coward."  
"Even though there was some truth in it." said Stefan. "But what hurt the most was that I realized he was just…waiting for an excuse to say something like that to me for years. And to trash our friendship. I could tell. He was insecure about his relationship with a girl who he thought our group wouldn't approve of…and he listened to what one of the most insecure people around had to say. And he had known me since elementary school. He knew the problems I had…and he didn't care about me enough to tell me to just shut up. Nobody ever did." He looked at her. "Except for you, Elizabeth."  
"That's a very enjoyable activity." said Elizabeth.

"Of course, it goes without saying that I've been a much more mature, experienced individual the whole time I've known you, and the times you've scoffed at what I've said…were without provocation, since you could do with some advice. You've been very confused. Willfully so, to some degree. About Toby."  
Elizabeth looked down at her lap. "Yeah." She said.

"When I first met you," Stefan said. "You started off right away by lying to me, Elizabeth."  
"And you started off by calling me a liar."  
"Because you lied." Said Stefan. "And you lied to me again. I can't abide liars. Nothing could hurt me more than you lying to me, Elizabeth. And for what reason?" He looked at her. "If you're really not cheating on me, then what possible reason would you have to lie to me? To not want me with you at this friend's wedding?"  
"I…" She shook her head. "I'm…I…was…" She looked at him. "I was embarrassed."  
"By me?" said Stefan. "What possible reason would you have to be embarrassed by me, Elizabeth?"  
"I'm not embarrassed by you." Elizabeth said. "I'm…embarrassed by myself."  
"Really." Stefan said. "Were you, yourself, present at this wedding?"  
"Yes, but-

"Then I don't see how you were embarrassed by yourself. You brought yourself there, and were able to stand it, weren't you?"  
"I was still…" She shook her head. "You're going to hate me."  
"I won't hate you, Elizabeth." Said Stefan. "I might dislike you. But I don't hate."  
"Comforting." Said Elizabeth. "But here goes. I…everyone, Amy, Toby, everyone I work with...probably everyone I work with and their relatives…knows that for years, I was fixated on this one guy. They know I waited until I got to college to have a boyfriend just because of him, and that I put up with his…philandering, and that I was…familiar with his day-to-day…I used to…follow him. Not all the time. Just when I thought he was with other women. Which he was."  
"Uh huh." said Stefan.

"And they know that nobody, even he, understood why I still kept chasing him, and still wanted to…was dedicated to helping him run the bakery, and…everyone just thought I was a deranged, pathetic, obsessed nutcase. Because I guess I'd…sort of let myself become one."

Stefan shook his head, looking at her sympathetically. "Elizabeth-

"And I…I know that's what everyone thinks." She sniffed, and tears filled her eyes. "Even…even my dad. Even-

"Even who, Elizabeth?" Stefan bit his lip, looking at her. He took her hand.

She hung her head. "And…and I-

"Not me." Stefan said quietly. "I would never-

"And," Elizabeth continued. "Knowing that they all knew this…at the wedding…I…" She trailed off, looking at him, tears pooling her eyes. "I…" She sniffed. "I thought that they would see me with a…" She shook her head.

"With a what, Elizabeth?"  
She sighed. "With someone who's...so much older, and they'd all think I make the most bizarre choices, and I knew that…they'd all think I was transferring my…obsession to an older…odd…"  
"Odd?" Stefan said, looking at her incredulously.

"Yes, I mean…" She shook her head. "I knew you'd be very, stiff, and formal, and…maybe….sneezing, it was an outdoor wedding, and…" She swallowed, looking at him. "You can be a bit socially awkward. And I thought that they'd be judging me. Because of that. That I'm crazy, and have found someone…who's a bit of a…social misfit to be with." She looked at him apprehensively. "I even maybe thought they'd think since you're older, and I was so….blindly, girlishy devoted to Toby at one time, that they'd think I'd…I'd found someone to…control me. They'd all be worried about me. Think I was in your thrall."  
" 'Thrall'?" Stefan repeated, shaking his head.

"Well, you'd likely be ordering me around in front of them. Of course I'd put you in your place, and swiftly…but…" She shook her head. "I thought they might think…it was very different when we're alone. That you control me."

"Elizabeth." Said Stefan. "I always say that lie is the worst thing someone can do…but now I'm not so sure."

"Stefan," Elizabeth said. "I don't think you're a social misfit. But I…I let myself get these…ideas."  
"You're embarrassed by me." Stefan said. "And that hurts, Elizabeth. No matter how idiotic and convoluted your reasoning may be." He glared at her.

"No, I'm embarrassed by me." Elizabeth said. "The problem is me. I know I'm a crazy, screwed up, selfish person."  
"Which is another way of saying you're embarrassed by me." Stefan said. "And you looked at me Friday, and told me a lie, and then made love to me. And you did it deliberately, too."  
"Made love to you deliberately?"  
"Yes." said Stefan. "You…you made love to me to distract me. And did so with full intent. Even your lovemaking is a lie, it seems." He shook his head.

"My lovemaking isn't a lie." Elizabeth said. "That's stupid. And…it seemed to be pretty good." She looked at him, her tongue to one side. "Your throat condition sounded positively…terminal during."  
"I wouldn't say anything like that to me right now if I were you, Elizabeth." Stefan said.

"Ooh, so threatening. I'm so scared." Elizabeth said. "What do you plan to do? Set me on fire?"  
"Well, that just makes it all the worse, doesn't it, Elizabeth?" Stefan said angrily. "That we made that strong of a connection, and it was all a lie."

"It wasn't a lie. I…it was…I was thinking about it ever since. About you. And me. And how close I…felt to you the last time I saw you." She shook her head. "And I'm afraid of hurting you, when you've been hurt so much in your life. So I was overwhelmed."

"You were afraid of hurting me, but then saw fit to do exactly that?"  
"I just…I felt overwhelmed by how…deep my feelings for you are."  
Stefan put his head in his hands, and shook his head. "Elizabeth-

"I know it's stupid." Elizabeth said. "I…screwed up, okay? What do you want from me? I can be very…idiotic sometimes. And I really am afraid of hurting you." She shook her head. "Of course, it doesn't help that you have an infinite persecution complex."  
"Can you just be contrite for more than half a minute, Elizabeth?" said Stefan. "Or is that too much to ask?"  
"Well, you do." Elizabeth said.

"Well, no I don't, but even assuming I did, your behavior tonight would still be unacceptable." said Stefan. "You lied to me. Because I embarrass you, apparently."  
"I said I was sorry." Elizabeth said. "For lying. And for being…for thinking about what people would think, rather than…what's real." She took his hand. "But it _is_ very real, Stefan. What we have."

Stefan shook his head. "You should find someone who doesn't embarrass you. Who you don't have to worry about being in ah…thrall to, Elizabeth."  
"Stefan-

"Maybe you should just find someone your own age, Elizabeth, if that's a concern." said Stefan. "Having to admit I have more…life experience than you've had."

"I had a guy my own age." Elizabeth said. "And he was…well, I wouldn't say he's a sociopath exactly, but he's not the best person, that's for sure. And no, he doesn't really care about me at all, when it comes right down to it. And he certainly never loved me." Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't want a guy my own age." she said. "I want you."  
"That's lovely, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "Of course, I'm sure you'll see your way to mentioning the fact that I'm older than you, every ten minutes."  
"Only if it's relevant." Elizabeth said.

"Uh huh." Stefan said crossly. "Could you at least try to cut it down to once a day?"  
"Once an hour?" Elizabeth said.

"I guess that'll do." Stefan said, shaking his head. Elizabeth laughed.

"Are we sure you're not settling?" Stefan said. "I mean, you didn't spend years waiting for me, like you did-

"I don't want to hear about Toby." Said Elizabeth. "And is that something that really bothers you? Do I really have to have waited years for you for it to mean to you that I love you?"  
"No." Stefan said quietly. "Just not…leave me behind when you go to weddings. Alone. In the dark."  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Boy, you really know how to make a person feel guilty, don't you?" she said. "Wouldn't you know it, the lights would be off, too. Just to make me feel worse."  
"Just to make _you_ feel worse?" Stefan said. "How do you think it made me feel? I was all alone, in the dark, and you weren't here, Elizabeth." He shook his head.  
"I know." Elizabeth said quietly. She squeezed his hand.

"I wouldn't use that word you used, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "Lightly."  
"What word?" Elizabeth said. She looked at him. "You mean…love?"

"Like everyone these days, you're so casual about it." Stefan said. "I bet you tell…customers at the bakery that. And use it to sign…greeting cards. And use it to describe your affinity for Stephen King novels. Takes a little of the meaning out, don't you think?" He looked at her. "Or even a lot of the meaning, I'd say."  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Sorry, I lost track at 'everyone these days'. By that, I'm assuming you meant everyone _my age_." She looked at him pointedly.

"No, people of all ages, Elizabeth." Stefan said.

"Uh huh."  
"But gracious of you to remind me that we're different ages. I know you wouldn't want me to forget that."  
"No, I wouldn't." Elizabeth said. She shook her head. "I think that sounds like a lot of sanctimonious b.s. to cover up the fact that you just don't want to say it."

"Again, you assume me to be as much of a liar as everyone else is."  
"No, but you are a _lawyer_." Elizabeth said. "You must think I just fell off the turnip truck if you expect me to believe you don't know how to sling a little b.s. from time to time."  
"We've been over this, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "As I've said many times, I leave that part of the job completely behind when I leave the office."  
"Well, okay then." Elizabeth said. "If that's the case, you must be able to admit that you don't want to say it. It's okay. You certainly wouldn't be alone in that. Most guys don't."  
"I am far superior to most males, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "Most people, in fact."

"Okay, Stefan dear." Elizabeth said. "I certainly am glad to see you're feeling better about yourself. After Blane and the rest worked you over, I was worried that maybe you suffered from some kind of low self-esteem problem, but I'm glad to see that's been remedied." She rolled her eyes.

"I mean what I say, Elizabeth." Stefan said.

"About being superior to everyone?" said Elizabeth. "I'm sure of it."  
"About everything, Elizabeth. I never lie."  
"Well, isn't that just ducky." Elizabeth said. "That makes you truly pleasant to live with, by the way. Never, ever lying. Not even to not insult someone, even your girlfriend." She shook her head. "It's a good thing that I…" She bit her lip, trailing off.

"A good thing you what, Elizabeth?" said Stefan.

"Oh, never mind. I wouldn't want to toss it out casually or anything, contributing to deep societal ills." She shook her head. "I'm really glad you're such an upstanding crusader for meaning. Especially since I really would be made to feel uncomfortable by the reality of hearing anything…demonstrative or romantic coming out of your dreary-

"I love you, Elizabeth." Stefan interrupted. "And it is a good thing I do as well, because you've achieved quite an impressive number of insulting remarks directed towards me in the course of our relationship."

"Well, you said I have the courage to stand up to you, unlike our old pal Blane, and you like that. I aim to please."

"I know I said that." said Stefan. "One more thing I've said in life that I regret."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Steff." Elizabeth said. "Let me do that for you."  
"I'll thank you not to call me 'Steff', Elizabeth." Stefan said. "It reminds me of my former self. And I assure you, I'm a much more together person than 'Steff' ever was."  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "And I'll still love you whether you're Steff, or Stefan." she said, looking up at the ceiling. "Because…you'll…still be a…" She bit her lip, and shook her head, looking off into the distance.

"You're lolling your tongue around again, Elizabeth." Stefan said.

"You'll always be a droning unpleasant stiff. To me." Elizabeth said.

"Uh huh." said Stefan. He shook his head.

Elizabeth sighed, and looked up at the celing."You'll always be a really kind, generous, upright uh…truthful…irritatingly so…person. Most of the time." She bit her lip. "Who's been very good to me. And who's my first choice to be with." she said firmly, looking him directly. "And who I admire, Stefan." She hesitated for a minute. "And deep down, you know…you know that I'm right." She gazed at him.

"I…" Stefan looked at her for a minute, and then reached over and embraced her wordlessly. They stayed that way, together, for several moments, in the dark. Elizabeth stroked his back, and looked out the window at the light from the streetlamp.

Stefan pulled away after a minute, and sniffed. "Allergies." He said.

"Of course." said Elizabeth.

"It is. You're wearing perfume again." He shook his head crossly.

"I washed it off." Elizabeth said. She looked at him, lolling her tongue. "But it could be some minute traces. Goodness knows, I hope so. I mean the last thing I want to see in the world is a guy such as yourself-

"All right, Elizabeth. Have your little joke, as usual." Said Stefan. "But just know," he said, taking her hand, and patting it. "that there's not a snide remark in the world that could ruin…what you said." He took her other hand, and held it, smiling at her.

Elizabeth smiled and shook her head.

"You know," said Stefan after a minute. "A minute ago, you used the phrase, 'isn't it just ducky?' I went to school with a guy called that."  
"What, ducky?" Elizabeth said. "That was his name?"  
"That was his nickname, Duckie. Phil. I believe was his real name."  
"Were the two of you friends? You and…Phil?"  
"No, I didn't know him that well." Stefan said. He shook his head. "He did feel that he knew me well enough to tackle me in the hallway one time, though, and start a fight."  
"What had you done to him, to provoke this reaction, Stefan?" Elizabeth said.

"Elizabeth!" Stefan said, shaking his head in amazement at her. "That's some loyalty, to someone you claim to love. Whose side are you on, anyway?"  
"I'm on uh…Duckie's side, Stefan. I mean, anyone nicknamed Duckie would probably have received his fair share of bullying from a guy such as yourself, Stefan."  
"I'm very hurt you'd say such a thing." Stefan shook his head in irritation. "As a matter of fact, I'm haven't the foggiest idea what I did to Phil to set him off." He sighed. "But it was probably something."

"Indeed."

"That doesn't mean you should say it." Stefan shook his head.

"Now that I think about it, though." he said reflectively, after a moment. "It was probably over Andie. She and…Blane had had a big fight in the hallway that day. Everyone saw them."  
"And this made Phil angry because…" Elizabeth shook her head. "Don't tell me."  
"I seem to remember they were friends." said Stefan. "In fact, they showed up at our prom together…but she left with Blane later. Of course."  
"And Phil was none too happy about that, I bet." Elizabeth said. "I'm guessing he felt compelled to defend her honor from old throat cancer?" Elizabeth said, lolling her tongue.

Stefan bit his lip, looking at her. He shook his head slowly.

"What did this chick have?" Elizabeth said. "Sounds like everyone and their brother was fighting over her."

"Well, Elizabeth, she had a great many things going for her." said Stefan. "One of them being, as I recall, that she never referred to me as 'old throat cancer'." He shook his head. "As I said earlier, I thought she was a complete pugilistic bitch, but you at times make her seem positively angelic."  
"Uh huh." Elizabeth said. "Well, maybe you should go be with her then. See if you can look her up."  
"I would, Elizabeth, but- He shook his head. "You ask what she had that made men fight over her, and…drive friends apart." He shook his head. "She always wore pink. And she looked very good in it. It went well with her…red hair, I suppose."  
Elizabeth made a derisive noise. "Well, why don't you and the redhead-

"And at the prom, Elizabeth, she wore…a pink dress. And she looked…radiant in it. Enough so that all the guys there were looking at her, even though…it certainly wasn't the most…expensive, nor, truly the most…flattering design I'd seen on a woman, but…" He shook his head. "It didn't matter, because there was a certain something about her. She was…a figment. The girl in the pink dress."  
"I see." Elizabeth said. "A figment."  
"I never met the girl in the pink dress, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "But for years, I longed to."  
"Oh." Elizabeth said. "Well, do feel free to continue your search, then."  
"Well, Elizabeth as mixed a fortune as it might be, I've found something better than the girl in the pink dress." He patted her hand.

"What's that?"  
"You, of course." said Stefan.

"Oh." said Elizabeth. She cleared her throat."Oh." She looked down at the floor. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"Oh, and I'm…sorry about the 'old throat cancer' thing." Elizabeth said. "Not to mention my defense of Phil. Of course I wasn't seriously taking his side anyway, as I'm sure you know. I was doing it just to needle you."  
"I was aware of that, Elizabeth." said Stefan.

"And in all seriousness," Elizabeth said. "I'm sure Phil was a real jerk, anyway."  
"Oh, I think he was an okay guy, Elizabeth." said Stefan.

"Well, maybe he was." Said Elizabeth. "But from where I stand, I've never even met him, and I know, he's just couldn't be as swell a person as you are, Stefan. Not by a long shot." She studied him for a moment. "You know, maybe I didn't scrub that perfume off as well as I thought I did."

Stefan shook his head. "Maybe you did, Elizabeth." He said. He put his arm around her.

"Ah." Elizabeth said. "Okay. Could be I did."

She leaned against his shoulder, and they sat together in the kitchen, in silence, waiting for the lights to come back on.

**End**


End file.
